In recognizing the dregs of press unprofessionalism, journalistic sloth, and general deserved media mockery, we have created "The Golden Remington Awards," a nod to the olden days when hard-scrabble hacks committed actual journalism and hammered out dispatches on hefty wordsmith devices. With an eye to that past of muckraking reporting and shoe leather investigation, we acknowledge those who fail today in audacious fashion.

These are the inauspicious nominations, in several categories, for this year’s Remmys. 

Distinguished Explanatory Reporting

The press does love themselves some class warfare. However, maybe not everything somebody does is considered classist, just because they have a fat bank account and a privacy gate on their property. Mr. Waters strains to describe for us what is assumed to be a troubling trend: Rich people have a tendency not to close their curtains!

Maybe they should donate their unused curtains to the less fortunate who have unadorned windows…

 Distinguished National Reporting 

The government is not the only entity working to prop up the electric vehicle market. The press does more than its share of work making EVs appear the ultimate solution for…anything, really.

Case in point: here is a piece where WaPo stretches to make the accomplishments these EVs are capable of by hyping a trip a couple made from the North Pole to the South in their modified Nissan ARIYA. The retrofitted SUV made the 20,000-mile trip, which sounds impressive. But - after nine paragraphs of detailing the various challenges and adventures they encountered - we then get delivered this rather vital piece of information:

So yes, your cynicism toward the savior aspect of these vehicles remains well-placed.

Distinguished National Reporting

Here we have proof that journalists think differently than the rest of us. Consider: If you were to hear that a human limb was discovered on the tracks of a subway line your mind would probably arrive to certain conclusions. Most likely there was contact with a moving train, maybe some accident transpired in the area, or even maybe some act of violence led to it being disposed of.

But at NBC News a report of a human leg spotted on the tracks was approached in a far more benign manner – it was likely just lost.

Distinguished Cultural Commentary

A sterling example of how the outraged standards announced by the left do not apply to the left was seen on the season debut of John Oliver’s show. He closed the episode with a walking lecture to Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas imploring him to quit the bench. To allegedly motivate this result Oliver pledged to pay Thomas $1 million annually, as well as grant him a $2.5 million recreational vehicle. 

Of course, in the process of delivering the supposed humorous segment, John skips over a few thorny elements.

Distinguished Political Cartoons

In looking at the issue of school vouchers in Alabama, Crowe felt that giving the choice to parents of moving their kids out of a failing school was the resurgence of segregation. That the concept of granting black parents the chance to place their kids in a better environment was the polar opposite of his claim was something completely lost on him.

Distinguished International Reporting

In what must pass for news in Britain, we get this gripping report from the town of Preston where it is suspected that an abandoned retail space could be used for unlicensed activity. Civic leaders were tipped off that a department store, closed for years, was possibly being used now for a snail-growing operation. An investigation was set to take place. "Officers are aware of the alleged unauthorized use and are investigating the matter," the spokesperson said.

As baffling as this is to be regarded as a serious news story, it defies common sense that there was no time to wait for investigators to determine if there was this alleged issue. Instead, the story had to be filed by a deadline, it would appear.

Distinguished Cultural Criticism 

Most people with their emotions in balance do not regard emojis - like, hardly at all. But if you are a card-carrying member of grievance culture or a journalist - and more likely both - then this is an area of deep concern. 

It may come as a surprise that these digital hieroglyphics on your phone could be problematic, but apparently they are, and one, in particular, is to be regarded as the “worst”. I sadly cannot explain to you why this is the case, as my apathy for such a topic was too encompassing to overcome and I was incapable of clicking on the link.