Throughout the year, we have (dis)honored the press with our regular feature commemorating the efforts of press unprofessionalism, journalistic sloth, and generally deserved media mockery through nominations for The Golden Remington Awards.
Our Trophy is a nod to the olden days when hard-scrabble hacks committed actual journalism and hammered out dispatches on those hefty wordsmith devices. To commemorate that past of muckraking reporting and shoe leather investigation, we acknowledge those journalists or outlets who fall short of that once respectable goal.
Remmy Awards Pt. 1 - Select (dis)Honors
In this second edition we delve into the categories we use to organize the dysfunction and distemper throughout 2024, not unlike an award granted to supposed journalism greatness. We’ll give the nominees and announce the winner for each category, beginning with our special edition trophies. Here are the distinguished “winners” in 2024.
THE CRYSTAL ICEBERG TROPHY (for Distinguished Frozen Dessert Reporting, to be retired after the Joe Biden loss) - Sponsored by Klondike Ice Cream Bars
WINNER – THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION
After he was pressured to step down from the Democratic Party ticket — on National Ice Cream Day – days later, following his speech declaring he was turning the reins over to Kamala, the White House held an ice cream social in the Rose Garden for Joe.
THE SILVER RICE CAKE PLATTER (for Distinguished Content-Free Reporting) - Sponsored By Quaker Oats
WINNER –ZOEY LYTTLE / PEOPLE MAGAZINE
We are trying to imagine the conversations in the editor’s room as this story of a fetus making the heart-hands gesture came across their desks.
THE PEWTER SAM ADAMS TANKARD (for Distinguished Lying in the Press, as the famous patriot was known for) – Sponsored by Samuel Adams Beer
WINNER – CAMILO MONTOYA-GALVEZ / CBS NEWS
The press was generally angered when Gov. Greg Abbott took over the border from the federal BP with his Texas Military Department. Montoya-Galvez sent out a story that spread through the press complex in wildfire fashion, saying the Texas MD caused three deaths when they blocked border agents from an area and kept them from rescuing a mother and two children who drowned.
Only after national hysteria was it learned the event took place on the Mexican side, Border Patrol had no way of assisting, and Mexican authorities only notified U.S. agents an hour after the bodies were recovered.
THE NYP PLAQUE - (for Distinguished Headline Writing, in the manner of the renowned outlet) – Sponsored by the New York Post
WINNER — JALOPNIK
When the passing of O.J. Simpson occurred, the car-based outlet recognized there was a factory notice from an automaker about a manufacturing issue at the same time. Well played, folks.
THE JEN RUBIN MEDAL (for Distinguished Reporting Contradicting Previous Reporting)
WINNER - MIKA BRZEZINSKI / MSNBC
Mika Brzezinski - On “Morning Joe” one morning, Mika looked at the violence erupting on college campuses and likened it to January 6.
What are these universities doing? Why aren't they doing something? And I'll echo the horror that this does look like January 6th. What a terrible example for our students.
But then we saw her scolding Al Sharpton for daring to compare these protests to January 6.
This was just two days apart.
THE LOQUACIOUS EMERALD BOWL (for Distinguished Delivery of the Worst Quotes) – Sponsored by Salad Shooter
WINNER – JOE SCARBOROUGH / MSNBC
Joe was the most ardent defender of President Biden and the most vociferous denier of his sliding mental condition. This rant takes all the honors.
"Start your tape right now because I'm about to tell you the truth, and 'F' you if you can't handle the truth: this version of Biden—intellectually, analytically—is the best Biden ever."
DISTINGUISHED POLITICAL CARTOONS
WINNER - ISABELLE BROUERMAN / NEW YORK MAGAZINE
With no photography permitted in Trump’s Manhattan court case, the courtroom sketch artists were relied upon. In this case, the imagery was not only unhelpful; they resemble images by someone possibly in need of a psychiatric evaluation.
DISTINGUISHED CULTURAL CRITICISM
WINNER – CRAIG SIMPSON / THE TELEGRAPH
Because academics will justify anything worthy to be studied if it gets them grant money, and because journalists have a Pavlovian response to anything hinted at as being racist, these converged in this piece on a study of the white supremacist connection to milk and how it is a dairy product tied to colonialism.
WINNERS – Hailey Haymond, Dino Grandoni, Kasha Patel, and Emily Sabens – Washington Post
Yes, they needed four journalists to dive deep into the vital issue of…discriminatory emojis. But, here’s the kicker – it is not the discrimination you think. This quartet of galaxy brains was cobbled together to complain about the fact that there is gross misrepresentation for most of the animal world. Out of 30 animal phyla, only five are represented. ONLY FIVE!!!!
Why this was featured under the paper's Climate Solutions section is a bit of a mystery. And, of course, in their carping about the lack of fungus and microbes in the emoji library, they cannot deliver any meaningful use for these symbols for most texting users.