(EDITOR'S NOTE: In case it's not completely obvious, this piece is satire.)

I admit that I’ve been pretty critical of Joe Biden. I thought he was the poster child for slimy politicians, going back to him Borking Judge Bork (and Cheshire Cat-smiling while doing it). And his presidency was, well, interesting.  

I’ve written plenty about him and how the press protected him during his presidency. Maybe it was just a coincidence, but I think I found something that Jake Tapper should know about and maybe write another book on. Snopes might feel the need to debunk it, but I swear it happened. You might not believe this, but “God’s truth, man, this happened – no joke, I am not making this up. I was in Malibu with my wife and some friends a few days ago. We decided to walk on Malibu beach.  

There in front of us was an old woman dressed in a sundress more appropriate for a 30-year-old. She seemed to be in a hurry. She was carrying beach stuff, including two beach chairs. I looked closer and, yes indeed, it was Jill Biden. I thought, "Where’s Joe?" Joe Biden was behind her. He was on the sand, struggling to get up like a stinkbug that had rolled on its back. Joe was flailing his arms and legs, having some trouble navigating his way up. He said:  

“I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”  

Maybe Dr. Jill didn't hear or didn’t care. Secret Service guys helped Joe to his feet, and they walked away toward the now-distant Jill.  

The area they had just vacated had some clutter. I walked over, and there in the sand was a notebook and some other papers, along with what seemed to be a mockup for a book cover. The papers were a first draft of his upcoming book, complete with a foreword written by Hunter Biden.  

I recalled that Ashley had left her diary (about showering with Daddy Joe), and the person who took it was prosecuted for trying to sell it, so I didn't want to just take it.  I took photos of the pages and a photo of the mock cover and left the scene. You, readers of RedState, you are the first to see what the world will soon learn from Joe Biden about growing up a Biden. His memoir should be a big hit. Sort of.  

First, the Hunter Biden foreword: 

Pardon me for saying this and being so blunt, but F*** yeah! the Big Guy is my dad and and he kept me employed even when I couldn’t get a job as a night manager at a McDonalds. I was the first son of the F***ing president! Man, and have I mentioned that he was the president. I’ve read his other book, you know the one that was ghost written and used classified documents to make a point and F*** man, this book is gonna be a corker. I couldn’t put it down! I mean like crack is better than booze this book is better than “Profiles in Courage!”  

I edited some of Hunter’s comments because they lacked any commas or periods, and I redacted about ten F Bombs.  

The first page of Biden’s memoir was handwritten. It reads:  

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. I remember growing up as a poor black child. I mean it man, no joke! Sure I was born a Biden and I was proud to be the nephew of a man who, before he was eaten by cannibals, had won the Medal of Honor, but my dad and mom made certain that I was engrained with the culture of folks who lived around us.  

Every Sunday, before we went to Catholic Mass, we attended the only gay Black Puerto Rican church in Scranton. It wasn’t advertised as gay, but I saw a couple of gay men kissing each other in that church and my dad told me, "Son, love is love.” By the age of 5 was sure I was Black, and my dad told me, he said “Joey, if you make it to MLB, and pass Babe Ruth homerun record, great, but if not, you’re gonna be the first black president or the first Vice President to the first Black president." I’m not kidding, man. He said that. Word for word. I said, “How do you know that, Dad?”

He said, "Joey, we’re Bidens. We know stuff that no one else does."

When we moved to Delaware we were the only white folks allowed to attend Nelson Mandela rallies. My dad looked at me at one of the rallies and asked me what I thought.

I looked up and said one word. 

"FWEEEDOMMM!"

As God as my witness, man, I swear it happened. 

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