What you're about to read might just be the most ridiculous thing you'll read all day.

Let's jump right in; I can't stand it.

The iconic coffee brand "Maxwell House" is undergoing a name change for the first time in 133 years, parent company Kraft Heinz has announced, to "reflect the changing landscape." 

And what might be the new name of one of America's legacy coffee brands, you ask? 

Buckle up, gang — here we go.

Maxwell House is being rebranded to "Maxwell Apartment," to reflect the changes in home ownership in America. I know, you can't make it up; the woke fools at Kraft Heinz already did.

A recent press release noted that nearly one-third of Americans are downsizing, choosing to rent smaller apartments instead of buying full-sized homes. Holly Ramsden, Head of Coffee for North America at the Kraft Heinz Company, said in the release:

Two-thirds of American adults drink coffee daily, and those costs can add up fast these days. Maxwell House believes everyone deserves great-tasting coffee. With Maxwell Apartment, we’re bringing the same classic flavor people love—at a price that reflects the smart choices our fans are making in their everyday lives.

Just as laughable, "Maxwell Apartment" will be marketed as available with a "12-month lease."

Here's more of the woke insanity: 

Today, Maxwell House rebrands to “Maxwell Apartment” to meet the needs of today’s consumer and remind fans the brand is synonymous with great tasting, affordable coffee. In a time where value matters now more than ever, Americans seek value in areas of their everyday, including where they live with nearly a third opting to rent versus purchase a home.

As a real coffee for real people, with its “Good To the Last Drop” legacy, the name change celebrates the same principle that guided Maxwell House for more than a century – smart choices add up and choosing Maxwell House means enjoying a quality cup of coffee without the cafe price tag. 

To celebrate, the brand is offering consumers even more value with a 12-month “lease” of Maxwell Apartment, designed to stock up coffee lovers nationwide.

The rebrand promotion, which began on National Coffee Day on Monday, features a 12-month "lease" offer and is available on Amazon, while supplies last. Along with the rebranded canisters, the year-long supply of coffee will come with an official Maxwell Apartment “lease” to sign.

As I sit here writing and shaking my head, it occurs to me that one of two things — or both — will happen in response: 

The ill-advised marketing campaign will be viewed as brilliant by some, and "woke" and absurd, as was the case with Cracker Barrel's "update" — which the restaurant chain quickly rolled back after irate customers took to social media en masse to express their displeasure, or flat-out anger about the makeover — by others.

Despite the effort of Kraft Heinz to be more empathetic to people who can't afford homes, and others, Maxwell House coffee was named after the iconic Maxwell House Hotel in Nashville, Tennessee, not a residence.

ALSO CHECK OUT: They Tried to Emaciate a Beloved Brand and Awakened a Giant

Incidentally, in response to the silly "Maxwell Apartment" thingy, Starbucks announced it will rebrand, as well — to "Insanely Over-Priced Coffee That Doesn't Even Taste That Good." 

Nah, just kidding. 

Editor’s Note: The Schumer Shutdown is here. Rather than put the American people first, Chuck Schumer and the radical Democrats forced a government shutdown for healthcare for illegals. They own this.

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