I'm not loving this whole "Trump's Birthday Parade" thing.
Of course, it’s not really Trump’s birthday parade this Saturday: Its official name is the “250th Anniversary of the U.S. Army Grand Military Parade” — and if anyone deserves a day of recognition, it’s the brave men and women of the U.S. Army. They have a helluva legacy, and it’s absolutely worth honoring. If anything, it’s long overdue.
So my trepidation has nothing to do with that.
My father’s an Army veteran; my brother’s an Army veteran; my 18-year-old son finished basic training (Army Cavalry) last year and is about to undergo another 10 weeks of training. (And I, uh, have seen every “Rambo” movie at least 11 times.)
So it’s not that I’m anti-armed forces — and I’m certainly not anti-Army!
Instead, my unease is entirely professional. A quick Google Search of news articles over the past week for “Army’s birthday parade” has about 1,000 hits. If we limit the Google Search to just the official name of the event, the “250th Anniversary of the U.S. Army Grand Military Parade,” we only get about 320 news hits.
But if you search “Trump’s birthday parade,” you get about 10,000 news hits.
(Note: Because of Google’s algorithm, the numbers tend to fluctuate every time you search. But feel free to check on your own.)
The point is, for every one story about the parade being for the Army, there are exponentially more stories about it being for Trump. That’s how it’s being presented to the American people.
For PR purposes, this is problematic.
Throwing a parade for yourself comes across as crass, venal, and tyrant-adjacent. Especially on the heels of the DOGE cuts, you’ve needlessly “armed” your enemies with yet another talking point. The juice ain’t worth the squeeze, man.
Plus, the LA Riots will likely grow into a national anti-Trump protest. Gov. Gavin Newsom (and his 2028 ambitions) are incentivized to keep this story in the spotlight. The bigger it gets — and the more nationalized the protest movement — the better it is for Newsom’s 2028 prospects. It’s his objective to be the tip-of-the-spear for coast-to-coast chaos.
Related: How President Trump Wins — Versus How Gavin Newsom Wins — the PR War Over the Riots
Obviously, the left will target the D.C. parade for disruption and destruction. From their perspective, this so-called “birthday parade” perfectly encapsulates Trump’s worst tendencies: arrogance, authoritarianism, and heartless spending priorities. We 100% KNOW they’ll target it!
It’s just too tempting of a piñata to resist.
But there’s still time to flip the narrative — and ensnare the liberals in the perfect trap: Trump needs to start selling this as the 250th Army Parade ASAP… and let the Democrats “brand” themselves to the American people as being anti-military.
There’s still plenty of time. It’s only Thursday morning. You kidding me?! This is Donald freakin’ Trump! With his flair for sales and marketing, he’s the best man on the planet to pull a 180 on the event’s narrative.
And in the process, the Democrats’ bloodlust and unchecked Trump Derangement Syndrome will lead them straight into their greatest PR nightmare.
For starters, Trump and his peeps should pound away on the Army’s 250th anniversary storyline with a dedicated media blitz. This is certainly in Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth’s wheelhouse: His media training on “Fox and Friends” is above and beyond any of his predecessors. He’s exactly the right man at exactly the right time.
Not just Hegseth: Get Marco Rubio out there. JD Vance, too. And, of course, nobody can out-president the president, so leave a big bone for the Big Dog.
Hit the media, boys. And don’t forget the podcasts.
For Trump himself, he should forego any personal birthday celebrations on Saturday: No photos of him with cake or blowing out candles. In fact, instead of accepting any birthday gifts, President Trump should ask Americans to donate to Army charities.
Make Saturday ALL about the Army!
And then, when the leftist mobs do what they’ve already made up their ever-loving Marxist minds to do, the American people won’t see it as an anti-Trump protest.
They’ll see a bunch of unlikeable a-holes protesting the men and women of the U.S. Army. (And knowing those knuckleheads, they’ll probably be doing it while waiving Mexican flags.)
Best of all, Admiral Ackbar won’t be around to warn ‘em:
Doncha just love a parade?
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