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PJ Media
PJ Media
3 Jun 2023
Kevin Downey Jr.

NextImg:Tinfoil Haturday: Is the Table Being Set for Ghislaine Maxwell's 'Suicide'?

Jeffrey Epstein’s favorite convicted panderess, Ghislaine Maxwell, is keeping her imprisoned head on a swivel.

Two Cuban thugettes tried to shake down Maxwell for items from her Florida prison commissary account. Maxwell reported the dos Spanish spitfires to the guards, and both were sent on a 47-day siesta in “the hole.”

FACT-O-RAMA! In prison slang, “the hole” refers to solitary confinement, where a prisoner will spend up to 23 hours per day alone.

Maxwell, a die-hard vegan, hooked up a deal with the prison kitchen staff; they would steal fruits and veggies for her, and she would buy them candy and assorted snacks from her commissary account.

The deal was working out fine until the two Cuban mamitas — described as “tattooed, tall and thick” (sounds like a search category on “pornhub”), and both members of a Cuban prison gang called “Las Cubanas” — demanded Maxwell give them her entire $360 commissary account or they would inform the warden of her kitchen vegan scheme. Maxwell decided to beat them to the punch and ratted them out first.

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The two delicuentes were summarily sent to isolation. Now they are back, and they are mucho furiosa.

“Las Cubanas have a reputation for being tough and mean inside jail and they don’t let anything slide,” an unknown source claimed. “They are saying Maxwell needs to pay for the 47. Snitches get stitches, as the saying goes. They will beat her up the first chance they get.”

Maxwell is said to be so terrified of prison justice that she refuses to shower, as that seems to be the best place for a prison donnybrook. (Naked women throwing dukes in a prison shower must be a Pornhub search as well, right?) She also calls on guards to escort her to her job in the prison library.

Related: Jeffrey Epstein Attempted to Blackmail Bill Gates Over Affair: Report

Snitches Get Stitches Suicided

Now, call me a wacky-doodle, but wouldn’t this be the perfect time for Epstein’s wealthy, globalist pedo pals to take out the one remaining person who can blow their cover?

HECHO-RAMA! I am engaged to a Puerto Rican woman. I can attest firsthand that Latinas, when sufficiently motivated, can unleash a perilous rage never before seen by this gringo, and hopefully never will be seen again.

Two very angry, tattooed, tall, and thick Cuban yardbirds might be the perfect way to “close the case” on Maxwell.

PORNO-RAMA! I was curious, so I checked. It turns out that “tattooed, tall, and thick” is not an actual category on Pornhub. However, if one is in the mood, one can search “Cuban maid” and find women with all three of the aforementioned attributes.

One could postulate that even releasing the information about Maxwell’s prison squabble — and her imminent beatdown — is a harbinger of a punishment that could “accidentally” become permanent for the procuress.

And here’s an odd point to ponder: the prison offered Maxwell the chance to “self-segregate,”  but she declined.

If you think this theory is dumb, I have one that’s even more idiotic.

Jeffrey Epstein, the world’s wealthiest pedo — allegedly holding videotapes of the world’s elites having sex with underage girls — killed himself in prison while both of his guards were asleep and the camera in his cell was conveniently broken. And then the guards were not held accountable.

Stupid, right?

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