Eighteen-year-old Abbey proudly walked onto the campus of New York City's Barnard College for women in the fall of 2018, wearing a hot little mini-dress from Forever 21 and a pair of saucy wedges. She wanted to dress to impress. She was no longer in Brookfield, Ohio. This is the Big Apple. She was beautiful, and she felt it.
Her long blonde hair was pulled into a bun to make her look sophisticated and intelligent. It was her first day of college and, for her, her first day as an adult. Also, her name was no longer Abbey. That's too girly, too "small-town Ohio." As of today, she was Abigail. Abigail the beautiful, intelligent, sophisticated adult living in New York City.
When Abigail graduated in May of 2022, she was unrecognizable. In the world of the communists—where she had spent the last four years—beauty is ugly. Make-up and pretty clothes are signs that you have too much money when others have too little. Most of Abigail's hair had been cropped off, and what was left was Ty D Bowl blue. Her multiple face piercings made her look like she had fallen face-first into Grandpa's tackle box. She wore a man's "wife beater" t-shirt because she wanted the world to see what looked like sea urchins in her armpits. And she is no longer Abigail. After a short stint as "Gail," she now insisted everyone call her "Gay," even though she was what her actual gay friends mockingly referred to as a "breeder."
Abigail was taught to hate herself, and she did. She had the cutting marks on her evil, white thigh to prove it. And like every other wealthy, white kid who goes to college to learn to hate their own race into extinction, she began directing her hatred at what she had been taught was the cause of all the world's problems: other white people like herself.
FACT-O-RAMA! Even though Barnard College charges $67,602 per year, many students like to downplay their family's wealth, though few actually walk away from the money. Ditto for every rich kid at every rich college in the nation.
All of these changes were just a vain attempt to keep people from realizing that "Gay" was one of nature's worst land devils: a straight, white person and a mere "Y" chromosome away from being Old Gooseberry himself, a straight white MAN.
Abigail went into college majoring in Political Science but found herself being peer-pressured by her professors into taking classes such as;
FACT-O-RAMA! Gay's greatest goal for her senior year of college was to have an abortion, but Dylan, her gender non-conforming partner didn't like to "use his p*nis for s*x." FACT-O-RAMA! P.S.—No lie! I actually met a women who dated a man who, after seven years, decided he was a dude, and told this woman at one point that he no longer wated to "use his p*nis for s*x."
The key to survival in college for white students is to denounce themselves and hate other white people who do not ascribe to Marxist values. They must submit fully to commie indoctrination. There is no diversity of thought.
When Gay left Barnard College, zher mission wasn't to find a job; it was to burn everything down.
Today is Sunday, September 8. Gay has been back with her parents in Brookville, where "everybody sucks," for two years now. It seems switching her major from Poly Sci to Queer Cinema hasn't produced a lot of job leads, though she is waiting to hear back about being a stagehand for a production of Disney's new play, "Peter Pansexual," at San Francisco's majestic Monkeypox Theatre.
But worse for everyone, Gay is at her family's first football Sunday pig-out of the year. This is not the wealthy side of the family; this is the F-150 MAGA side.
Six years ago, Abigail was hot biscuits, beautiful, fun, and busting with positivity. Today, at the first family football gathering of the year, Gay is a scrawny, pale buzzkill, like every other young adult who rolls off of our universities' communist production line.
"How racist is the name Kansas City Chiefs," Gay bemoans to a room full of family trying to watch the game.
"I agree," says Uncle Kevin, who knows the key to shutting down commies is to mock them until they cry. "Let's cut out the Indians from American culture completely and call the team the Kansas City Colonizers."
Everyone laughs except for Gay, who quietly dips her gluten-free chip into a bowl of culturally appropriated salsa.
"Nothing better than a bunch of white people sitting around watching a white person's game," Gay responds.
"Black people make up roughly 13% of the American population but are 58% of the NFL. I'm sorry if that's too many black people for you to watch, you racist," jokes Uncle Kevin, to loud guffaws and a congratulatory shot of Kessler whiskey from Cousin John.
Gay looks at the pile of ribs and secretly wishes she hadn't both declared herself a vegan and, more importantly, berated her family earlier for having a pig roast, as they have for years, on the first Sunday of football.
"You know what's wrong with this game—and the world? Too much testosterone," Gay shoots back as the entire family yells at her to shut up.
But Uncle Kevin can hear the cracking in her voice. He knows mocking her and her values will eventually shut her down.
"Then we should stop giving it to the mentally ill dudes who think they are women," Uncle Kevin responds to cheers from family who either liked the joke or are happy about a touchdown. "What do you call them again, transamabobs?"
"So you're transphobic now. Cool," Gay sneers.
"I'm not transphobic, and I don't need to date one to prove it," Uncle Kevin responds. "Speaking of which, how's that Dylan dudette?"
Uncle Kevin has zher on the ropes. All he and the rest of the family want is for her to shut up so they can watch football.
But Uncle Kevin knows zhe isn't done yet. She's attacked meat eaters and testosterone but has yet to call anyone a racist, and no party is over until a Marxist finds a reason to call someone a racist. And that's what Gay plans to do: lure Uncle Kevin into a trap and call him a racist.
"Hey Uncle Kevin, what's that word you use to describe the people who have, as you say, ruined Detroit, Baltimore, and Chicago," Gay asks, believing Uncle Kevin will say the word that may not be spoken.
"Democrats," Uncle Kevin responds. The family cheers as Aunt Peggy covers Gay's blue Marxist head with her MAGA cap.
Related: 'Alexa, Why Are You a Communist,' and How Many More Democrats Have Ties to Bolshie Spies?
Unrelated: You can now watch me clown-slap the commies—like Gay—every Monday-Friday, 10:00-110:00 pm EST on a show called Live From Studio 6B on the Real America's Voice network!
Once considered a necessary road for a good future, colleges now are nothing more than communist propaganda centers.
Young students are told that if they do not adhere to Marxist beliefs, they are bad. For white students, it is worse. They are taught that they are the problem and that the only way to remedy this is to strictly adhere to communist principles, even if it means turning on your "racist" family.
Adhering to Marxist philosophies gives the communist—who hates itself—a reason to feel better. They feel a sense of supremacy while hating you. Their brainwashing is such that they feel their violence toward you is not only acceptable but commendable.
Good news. Avoiding a Marxist is simple, as they are easy to recognize.
Signs of a Marxist include:
These people will ruin your Sunday family football pig-out, but only if you let them.
So this and every football Sunday, don't be a Gay. Be an Uncle Kevin.