So let’s take a look at the things that are currently making headlines:

And that’s just hitting the highlights.

Related: Biden Orders ‘Certain’ Military Reserves to Europe

Despite the news of the day, Sen. Pierre Delecto, (D-Utah) has apparently received instructions from the overlords of the Uniparty not to worry his pretty little head about any of those things. So he took to Twitter on Wednesday to wax rhapsodic about National Hot Dog Day:

“Hot dog is my favorite meat.” I know, that joke practically writes itself. Which it will have to do since if I write it, I’ll be out of a job. Although you should feel free to talk amongst yourselves. But it is noteworthy that Romney showed his usual presence of mind right off the bat. “Hot dog” is not a meat. Some hot dogs are made from beef or chicken, and I assume there are some vegan options. But the primary meat used in hot dogs is pork. Well, pork, fillers, possibly bits of hooves, and other parts that are likely illegal to toss in a landfill. Which says more about Romney than he thinks. After all, he voiced his full-throated support for the massive spending bill at the end of last year which was also full of pork, fillers, possibly bits of hooves, and other parts that are likely illegal to toss in a landfill. Then there is his support for green energy, which throws the people in his state who work in the oil, gas, and coal industries under the bus. The man does love his pork, doesn’t he? A look at his press release page shows that on the whole, he has mostly co-sponsored or supported some thoroughly unimportant legislation. Compare and contrast that with Mike Lee. Enough said.

No, please don’t ask me why Utahns voted to make this person a Senator. If he just went ahead and switched parties, he might find it easier to reach his goals of getting a sweet board of directors job, an ambassadorship to Lower Slobovia, or God help us all, a cabinet position. At least we know why he threw in the towel midway through his presidential run: there was already a Democrat in the race.

Even if he never achieves his lofty ambitions, he can always become the spokesman for Oscar Mayer.