At long last, one of the longest-serving United States senators currently still working is nearing the end of his career.
Senator Mitch McConnell is retiring after his current term expires in 2027. Squeaky Mitch is making damn sure that there's no confusion between a dignified departure and statesmanship.
If there's such a thing as the swamp's head toad, it would be McConnell. Now that his pond is drying up, he's croaking songs of warning instead of hymns of wisdom, a desperate cry to be remembered as something greater than what he was: the Senate's most entrenched creature.
Squeaky Mitch's career spanned nearly four decades in the Senate, which seems more colonization than service. McConnell turned procedure into both shield and sword, blocking Democratic agendas with the filibuster, earning the nickname "the Grim Reaper" for shelving bills that crossed his desk.
In 2016, when President Barack Obama nominated Merrick Garland for a seat on the United States Supreme Court, he refused to hold hearings, claiming an election-year precedent. When the pendulum of power turned the other way, he rammed the nomination of Amy Coney Barrett in just days before voters went to the polls. As the saying goes: Rules for Thee, exceptions for me. If there's a saving grace involved here, McConnell earned the thanks from a nation that would've seen two true-believing Lefties on the bench for a lifetime of damage.
These actions, however, weren't statesmanship; it was swamp survivalism punctuated not by the roar of Leonidas but by a loud, off-tune croak of pride.
During McConnell's climb up the D.C. hierarchy, he treated his constituents as though they were nothing more than a means to an end, and it showed: Kentucky slid down national rankings, year after year. Three areas that hover near the bottom of the state include healthcare, poverty rates, and education. Appalachians suffer from a shortened life expectancy, and towns in eastern Kentucky that depended on coal or tobacco remain blighted.
Despite their notable lack of return from electing him, they continue sending him back to D.C.
Why?
Because one thing the swamp rewards is incumbency. He's brought barely enough earmarks and pork-barrel projects that provide McConnell an illusion of care; he hasn't served his state, only himself.
A question the good people of Kentucky should've asked long ago is a simple one: What good is having the most powerful senator if your state never rises from the bottom?
McConnell's relationship with President Donald Trump is a distilled swamp. When Trump delivered judicial nominees, tax cuts, and deregulation, Squeaky Mitch embraced him. Yet, when Trump wasn't seen as politically viable, McConnell dropped him like a glass of Kentucky bourbon.
After the January 6 riot, McConnell used his loudest croak at his disposal when he accused the president of being "practically and morally responsible" for the events of that day. Yet, when given the chance to convict Trump for what the left perceived as his actions, Squeaky Mitch scurried off his lily pad.
Now, in President Trump's second term, Squeaky Mitch declared this to be "the most dangerous period since before World War II."
“I think this is the most dangerous period since before world war two. There’s certain similarities right now to the 30s,” he said.
“[Then president] Herbert Hoover signed the Smoot-Hawley tariff bill in 1930, widely believed by historians and economists to have taken the depression worldwide. Those who were totally anxious to stay out of all of what was going on in Europe were called ‘America First’. Sound familiar?
“So what do we have today? North Korea, China, Russia, Iran and Iran’s proxies. They’re very different kinds of countries, but they have one thing in common: They hate us.”
That last paragraph contained everything we need to know about Squeaky Mitch's perspectives: "North Korea, China, Russia, Iran, and Iran's Proxies... hate us."
Do I need to even finish my thoughts?
There's McConnell's swamp song, always half in, enough to protect himself, but never enough to lead.
This past February, McConnell co-authored an op-ed denouncing President Trump's proposed global tariff plan, warning that American workers would be punished. He also backed a Senate resolution that would repeal Trump's emergency declaration, which he used when enabling those tariffs.
As touching as Squeaky Mitch's concern for American workers was earlier this year, where in the hell was his passion during four decades of runaway spending, exploding deficits, pork-barreled projects, and, most importantly, the draining of American manufacturing?
That last point really chafes my balding head. We've lost so many jobs for so long that it takes "concern" over tariffs before Squeaky draws a line in the sand!
McConnell's courage only flares with Trump's actions, not when Washington screwed the pooch under Bush, Obama, or Biden.
It wasn't until the shadow of his retirement grew darker that he preached fiscal prudence, which isn't principle, simply preservation.
After stepping down as Senate GOP leader last year and announcing he won't be running again, McConnell all but admitted his power is fading.
So, what does the head toad do when the pond dries up? Squeaky Mitch croaks louder, granting interviews to regional newspapers, giving him safe space to issue his warnings.
McConnell may be hoping history books quote his croaks instead of illustrating his silence.
Squeaky Mitch isn't displaying his relevance in today's Washington; he's working hard to script his own epitaph.
Despite decades of fiery press conferences, Squeaky Mitch's legacy isn't courage or vision; it's four decades of singing in the swamp for survival. McConnell's final words aren't wisdom; they're just the echoes of a once-head toad, croaking too late as his swamp water recedes.
History won't treat him as a prophet, spreading warnings. He'll be recorded as the longest tenant of the swamp, squatting on a lily pad of obstruction while his state stagnated and his country moved past him.
Readers at PJ Media know what’s at stake: McConnell isn’t a victim of history; he is the swamp. If you’re tired of career politicians who spend decades gaming the system and only speak boldly once their seat is secure in retirement, then PJ Media is your refuge. Support honest voices who won’t wait until the water’s gone to croak about danger.