Meet Gluteus Maximus, Rome’s deadliest gladiator. He can lop off a Gaul’s head with one stroke, juggle three spears while flexing, and roar so loud the lions cower. His fans carve his name into walls, swoon in the stands, and chant for him in the streets. And then comes the weird part: they start asking him for advice. Not on swordplay—that would make sense—but on politics, marriage, morals, and the future of the Republic. Because, you know, nothing says “credible tax policy” like a man who just bludgeoned two Thracians before lunch.
This isn’t a joke about Rome. It really happened. Gladiators, charioteers, actors, and singers were adored, imitated, and often treated as if they carried wisdom far beyond their craft. Ancient Greece did it with playwrights. Medieval Europe did it with troubadours. Every age has its Gluteus Maximus. Celebrity worship isn’t new—it’s part of the human condition. We’ve always mistaken charisma and spectacle for wisdom and truth.
This is celebrity in a nutshell. People see excellence in one narrow arena and inflate it into universal authority. Rome had Gluteus Maximus. We have pop stars, influencers, and quarterbacks. The names change, the hydra stays the same.
Why do people keep doing this? Because celebrity worship has many heads, and every time you cut one off, another grows back:
- Visibility — Their faces are everywhere, so their voices sound bigger than they are. It feels like authority, but really it’s just overexposure.
- Parasocial Bonds — You’ve never met them, but after a dozen Netflix binges, you feel like you have. That illusion of friendship makes their opinions seem personal, when in reality they don’t know you exist.
- The Halo Effect — If someone can sing, surely they can solve Middle East peace, right? Wrong. Skill in one domain doesn’t automatically mean insight into another.
- Entertainment as Religion — Priests in vestments have been replaced by actors on talk shows. Same sermon, flashier robes. When traditional institutions fade, celebrities step in to offer meaning—whether they deserve that role or not.
- Media Amplification — Reporters love celebrity hot takes because “Rapper Condemns Inflation” gets more clicks than “Economist Releases 40-Page Report.” The press drives this cycle, turning shallow soundbites into public gospel.
That’s the hydra: cut off one head, and it grows two more. And the only reason it survives is because we keep feeding it.
Not everyone bows before Gluteus Maximus, but certain people practically line up for an autograph on their brain:
Borrowing a celebrity’s spoken views is like letting a mindworm crawl in through your ear. Over time, you swap out your own developing convictions for someone else’s prefabricated slogans. Eventually you think things but don’t know why you think them. That’s dangerous because it hollows out the very core of personal judgment—leaving you with opinions you didn’t earn, convictions you can’t defend, and a worldview built on borrowed scaffolding.
History offers brutal reminders. In 1930s Germany, Joseph Goebbels turned actors, singers, and filmmakers into propaganda celebrities; their borrowed glamour made poisonous ideology feel “normal.” Closer to home, Hollywood elites have swung public attitudes on family, sex, and morality not by argument but by repetition—slowly shifting the culture so people absorb positions without ever weighing them. When your mind gets colonized this way, you don’t even realize it’s happening until you wake up speaking someone else’s script.
That’s why inoculation matters.
The cure isn’t to hate celebrities. It’s to remember they’re just people with very particular skills.
Celebrities will always exist. The hydra can’t be slain. But it can be caged—if we stop confusing talent with wisdom, applause with authority, and fame with truth. Admire Gluteus Maximus in the arena, by all means. Just don’t hand him the Senate floor.
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