This is one piece of gold that President Trump is never going to get his short, stubby fingers on: an 18-karat gold medal with three naked men embracing, awarded to those who promote peace, democracy and human rights.

The Nobel Peace Prize has been given to some beauts — like Henry Kissinger, for helping end the Vietnam War he perpetuated to aid Richard Nixon’s re-election.

But the prize was not designed for someone like Trump. The Norwegian Nobel Committee would no doubt discontinue the award before it would give it to him.

His longing is partly inspired by his jealousy of Barack Obama, who absurdly got a Nobel Peace Prize after only eight months in office for just being a cool dude. Our 79-year-old president admitted recently that he also envies Obama for the way he airily bopped down the stairs of Air Force One, while he himself has to slowly creep down, grasping the railing, worried that he’ll fall and look as unsteady as Joe Biden.

I’ve always thought we were lucky that Trump was not more prone to invasions, à la his fellow draft dodger Dick Cheney, given his belligerent persona, vengeful nature, fascination with military trappings and U.F.C. macho bluster. He insisted on having a military parade here in June and he’s planning a U.F.C. fight next June on the White House South Lawn for the country’s 250th birthday.

Even though most liberals have tried to paint Trump as a deranged hawk at heart, the former real estate developer always seemed, blessedly, more drawn to the art of the deal than shock and awe. While he bombed Iran’s nuclear facilities, threatens Venezuela and strikes alleged drug boats off its coast, he more often seems to consider war a waste of time and money that could be better spent building a beachfront property in North Korea or Gaza.