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Trish Bendix


NextImg:Late Night Thinks Trump Has a Case of Parade Envy

Welcome to Late Night Roundup, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.

Don’t Rain on My Parade

China’s leader, Xi Jinping, hosted a slew of autocrats for a big military parade in Beijing on Wednesday. President Trump addressed Xi in a comment about it on Truth Social, which read in part: “Please give my warmest regards to Vladimir Putin, and Kim Jong Un, as you conspire against The United States of America.”

“It sounds like somebody’s bummed he wasn’t invited to the supervillain sleepover,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday.

“All of Trump’s strongman crushes were there. It felt like it was staged specifically to upset — it was like the diplomatic equivalent of posting a bikini shot to make your ex jealous.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Yeah, the parade was fun, especially when Kim Jong-un had to sit on Putin’s shoulders so he could see.” — JIMMY FALLON

“Meanwhile, Trump watched the entire parade at home yelling, ‘Where’s the Ronald McDonald balloon?’” — JIMMY FALLON

“Oh, he has so’ mo’ FOMO.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

The Punchiest Punchlines (Epstein Hoax Edition)

“Well, guys, the big story is today in Washington, members of both parties called for all of the Epstein files to be released, but President Trump once again called it a hoax. Yeah, Trump’s so desperate to change the subject, he was like, [imitating Trump] ‘Who wants to hear about me dying last week? Remember that?’” — JIMMY FALLON

“The people who are trying to eliminate the measles vaccine believe it would be dangerously irresponsible to release these files.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“There has to be something in there about him. I can’t imagine him doing this because he cares about anyone else. This Epstein list — it’s the first time Trump didn’t want his name on something.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Trump really wants to get the Epstein files off the front page. Today he ordered Travis and Taylor to get engaged again.” — JIMMY FALLON

The Bits Worth Watching

David Byrne performed his new single “What Is the Reason For It?” on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”

What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night

Katherine Maher, the president and chief executive of NPR, will appear on “The Late Show.”

Also, Check This Out

Image
Oasis fans outside MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, N.J., on Sunday.Credit...Eleanor Schmitt for The New York Times

American fans have flocked to see Oasis for the British band’s first shows in the United States in over 16 years.