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Free to Be FCC Compliant
Jimmy Kimmel’s indefinite suspension from ABC dominated late night monologues on Thursday.
Jon Stewart made a special appearance behind the desk of Thursday’s “Daily Show” to address the situation, going “administration compliant” with a stiff and stunted delivery.
“We’re coming to you tonight from a real [expletive] hole, the crime-ridden cesspool that is New York City. It is a tremendous disaster, like no one’s ever seen before. Someone’s national guard should invade this place, am I right?” — JON STEWART
Stewart scolded the crowd for laughing and threatening to blow his cover while he praised the president through clenched teeth.
“Now, some naysayers may argue that this administration’s speech concerns are merely a cynical ploy, a thin gruel of a ruse, a smokescreen to obscure an unprecedented consolidation of power and unitary intimidation; principle-less and coldly antithetical to any experiment in a constitutional republic governance. Some people would say that. Not me, though. I think it’s great.” — JON STEWART
“You may call it ‘free speech’ in jolly-old England, but in America, we have a little something called the First Amendment, and let me tell you how it works: There’s something called a Talent-o-Meter. It’s a completely scientific instrument that is kept on the president’s desk, and it tells the president when a performers’ T.Q. — talent quotient, measured mostly by niceness to the president — goes below a certain level, at which point the F.C.C. must be notified to threaten the acquisition prospects for billion-dollar mergers of network affiliates. These affiliates are then asked to give ultimatums to the even-larger mega-corporation that controls the flow of state-approved content, or the F.C.C. can just choose to threaten those licenses directly. It’s basic science. Read your Constitution.” — JON STEWART
Seth Meyers similarly mocked ABC’s decision to pull Kimmel off the air by taking a pro-Trump turn during “A Closer Look.”
“I just want to say, before we get started here, that I’ve always admired and respected Mr. Trump. I’ve always believed he was — [responding to audience laughter] no, no, no — a visionary, an innovator, a great president, an even better golfer. And if you’ve ever seen me say anything negative about him, that’s just A.I.” — SETH MEYERS
“And, may I just say, it is a privilege and an honor to call Jimmy Kimmel my friend in the same way that it’s a privilege and honor to do this show every night. I wake up every day, I count my blessings that I live in a country that at least purports to value freedom of speech, and we’re going to keep doing our show the way we’ve always done it with enthusiasm and integrity.” — SETH MEYERS
Taking a serious tone, Jimmy Fallon called Kimmel “a decent, funny, and loving guy, and I hope he comes back.”
“But, to be honest with you all, I don’t know what’s going on, and no one does." — JIMMY FALLON
Stephen Colbert opened his show saying, “Tonight, we are all Jimmy Kimmel.”
“I still have a show, though, right? OK, good!” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“And to Jimmy, just let me just say I stand with you and your staff 100 percent. And also, you couldn’t let me enjoy this for, like, one week?” — STEPHEN COLBERT, holding up his recently won Emmy
A Radically Different Take
On Thursday’s “Gutfeld,” the Fox News host said the media is “trying to make Kimmel their Charlie Kirk just to get the stink off them.”
“Charlie is no longer the victim — they are, at least in their minds,” Gutfeld said.
“But, of course they are freaking out. They’ve gotten so used to getting a free pass for the propaganda. But times have changed. Charlie changed them. His death has reset this country, and now people are actually paying attention to their words because we saw what those words did to a fine young man.” — GREG GUTFELD
“Usually when Kimmel mentions new lows, he’s discussing his ratings. But this time that rock-bottom was in his soul, lying about an assassination to project his own hateful fantasies. Now he has time for a new fantasy: imagining he has a TV show.” — GREG GUTFELD
“Or take my advice: Do a live show — hold an outdoor rally and invite everyone. That’s what Charlie would do. But I get it: You’re not Charlie, you’re not even close. Maybe it’s just better to stay in studio with metal detectors and security.” — GREG GUTFELD
Also, Check This Out
Jason Bateman and Jude Law play brothers in “Black Rabbit,” the new Netflix crime drama set amid the seedy underside of the downtown New York restaurant scene.