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Fired Fest
Federal employees have been getting mixed messages about whether to respond to a mass email from Elon Musk, threatening to fire them if they didn’t justify their employment.
On Tuesday, Jimmy Kimmel said the nation’s civil servants were “as confused as Elon’s kids were when they realized their father named them after a phone number.”
“Elon and his musketeers — they sent an email to all federal employees ordering them to list five things they did at work last week. Trump loved this idea — he said it was ‘genius,’ and he said anyone who didn’t respond to the email would be ‘fired or semi-fired.” Which, what if that was his catchphrase on ‘The Apprentice’? ‘Meat Loaf, you’re fired. Or semi-fired.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“OK, now I understand. It’s somewhat voluntary, but if you don’t respond, he guesses you get fired. Thanks for clearing that up.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“At this point, how is anybody supposed to know what to do with all this confusing information? Forget running the government; these clowns couldn’t get 10 bridesmaids to a paint-and-sip.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“This email created chaos throughout our government. Some agencies, like the F.B.I., told their employees just to ignore it; others, like the V.A., demanded that employees respond. At H.H.S., employees were told they could respond if they wanted to but should assume that what they write will be read by malign foreign actors. What? Russell Brand’s going to get these?” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Kash Patel told the F.B.I., ‘Don’t respond to that email.’ Tulsi Gabbard said, ‘Don’t respond to that email.’ Pete Hegseth responded to that email at 2 a.m., saying, ‘U up?’” — DESI LYDIC
“And maybe the craziest part of all of it is Elon Musk has no official authority to fire anyone. He’s not an elected official — he wasn’t appointed, he wasn’t confirmed. Who knew you could fire people at a place you don’t even work? I might try it at Chipotle sometime just to see what happens.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“It’s confusing. When you walk in the White House and say ‘Who is in charge?’ everyone just shrugs like they’re working at Lids.” — JIMMY FALLON
“I think it might be time to give the planet to the apes, because we’re finished.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“The whole country is a Fyre Festival right now, and Elon Musk is soaking the mattresses.” — JIMMY KIMMEL