Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Big Hugeness
President Trump’s new tariffs officially took effect on Thursday.
“I hope you remembered to set your clocks back to ‘more expensive,’” Stephen Colbert said on “The Late Show.”
“These tariffs are huge. The size of the hugeness? Big.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“They raise import taxes to the highest level since the Great Depression. Never a great sign. Never a great sign to be compared to the worst thing ever.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Well, guys, today more of President Trump’s tariffs went into effect for more than 90 countries, including Canada, Brazil and India. The only places Trump didn’t charge are North Korea and Epstein Island.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Another country Trump is punishing is Brazil, which is bad news for meat-based Americans, because in the first six months of this year, Brazil sent the U.S. over 180,000 tons of beef. Do you know how much beef that is? That is almost one whole Jason Momoa. That’s like two-thirds of a Momoa.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Meanwhile, 50 percent of tariffs on Brazil will dramatically raise the price of bananas, mangos and pineapples. Edible Arrangements was like, ‘As long as you don’t raise the price of cantaloupe and long toothpicks, we’re good.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Even toilet paper will get more expensive. You know it’s bad when people come out of the bathroom like, ‘Hey, where’s that long CVS receipt?’” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Tim Apple Edition)
“President Trump held an Oval Office event yesterday with Apple C.E.O. Tim Cook. Oh, did he want a do-over from the last time?” — SETH MEYERS, referring to the time Trump called Cook “Tim Apple”
“I love how Trump just assumes whatever the product is, is also their name. ‘Thank you, Tim Apple. We’ll now hear from Mark Facebook.’” — SETH MEYERS
”During the same press conference, President Trump told reporters that Cook has ‘just about every quality you can have other than athleticism.’ Why are you like this? The guy is a billionaire who runs the biggest company on Earth and you have to go, ‘Yeah, but no vertical. Can’t jump. Very sad.’” — SETH MEYERS
“Apple CEO Tim Cook also gave President Trump a custom glass plaque mounted on a gold stand. For more on this story, check eBay.” — SETH MEYERS
“[imitating Trump] Dear Tim: Thanks, chicken legs, for the piece of glass. You throw like a girl. P.S. I hate you.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Apple’s products themselves will not be made in America because Apple says, according to their research, the U.S. has a smaller pool of workers with the skills necessary to assemble an iPhone. How dare you, Apple! I believe America’s children can do anything!” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
Jimmy Fallon and the Jonas Brothers cashed in on the romantasy craze with their Hot Wizard Hotline on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”
Also, Check This Out
Amy Berg’s new documentary “It’s Never Over, Jeff Buckley” highlights the earnest, sensitive soul behind the singer’s music.