In sickness and in health: This promise, part of the traditional wedding vows, carries a weight not always easily upheld. But for Kristy Durso, 46, and husband Ryan, 45, the pair continues to honor their marital pact, even after her life-altering health diagnosis.
The couple met in Monterrey, Calif., 25 years ago, when they were both in the military, on active duty.
“We met in February and by May I knew I wanted to marry him,” said Kristy. “He proposed that September.”
They set the date in February 2000, but five days before the wedding, Kristy had to be discharged from the military for health reasons. Though it took a decade, she was ultimately diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, a rare, progressive, degenerative neuropathy disorder, among other serious debilitating conditions.
By then, the couple had two children and later adopted a third with his own health challenges. As a wheelchair user and travel agency owner, Kristy was inspired to specialize in planning trips for families with disabilities.
She learned that Beaches Resorts, which operates in the Caribbean, is a leading hospitality company for the autism and special needs communities.
“I approached their weddings team and encouraged them to showcase what’s possible at their resorts,” said Kristy. “They loved the idea, so we planned to renew our wedding vows at their Turks & Caicos property.”
For the event last February, “Their team helped me bring a vision to life.
People automatically assume when you’ve got a disability, the experience will be less. But it doesn’t have to be. I wanted everything to be just as detailed, intimate and beautiful as if I were a bride who could walk.”
To this end, “The company built a lovely, white wooden ramp for me to have access to the beach,” said Kristy. “They put a platform in the sand for me, so I could dance our first dance using my wheelchair, manually. I didn’t want to be pushed — you lose your autonomy. If it’s Ryan pushing me, he’s no longer my partner, he’s my caregiver, which isn’t what I wanted to portray.”
With media attention, Ryan admittedly wasn’t initially comfortable with the event idea. However, “I changed my mindset,” he said. “From when we first married, we’re still dedicated to each other, though everything else has changed.”
For Kristy, “When I was in the hospital getting a pacemaker, I told Ryan I’d live to age 40, but wasn’t sure I’d get there. We’ve found ourselves beyond that. I wanted to go up there and say, I still promise to keep fighting and changing what I can with you by my side, until the day I die,” she said.
Currently, there is a significant uptick in wedding redo and vow renewal bookings, said Marsha-Ann Donaldson, director of weddings and romance for Sandals Resorts and Beaches Resorts. The company’s Re-tie the Knot package starts at $400 and includes a bridal bouquet, boutonniere, cocktail party and cake for up to 10 people.
“Some folks have illness and come through on the other side wanting to recommit their lives to one another,” said Donaldson. “Others never had a formal wedding. They may have done the legal side, but not the wedding of their dreams. Some marriages have gone through whatever it takes to make their marriage work and want to commit to the covenant they share. For them, a vow renewal is a restart. There are also couples who’ve been together a while, and want their kids, now of age, to witness and participate in their recommitting of vows, perhaps for a double-digit anniversary.”
Case in point, James McGraw, 69, and wife Barbara McGraw, 68, from Vinemont, Ala., commemorated their 50th wedding anniversary this May with a vow renewal ceremony aboard a seven-day Alaskan cruise on Holland America cruise line. Their ship’s captain conducted the ceremony.
With grandchildren and great-grandchildren, “What better way to start the next 50 years but with a vow renewal?” said James. “We always wanted to go to Alaska, so I decided to put a trip together and surprise her.”
If a second chance wedding or redo is your goal, you’re on trend, according to hospitality experts. “In recent years, we’ve seen a rise in vow renewals and re-weddings,” said Tiffany Dusenberry, director of food & beverage at Kukuiula in Kaua’i, Hawaii, a residential resort community.
“In 2023, we hosted a memorable vow renewal for a bride who never had the chance to wear a white dress the first time, with an intimate ceremony beneath our iconic farm tree followed by an elegant picnic with loved ones,” said Dusenberry.
For New Yorkers interested in a love reaffirmation close to home, consider Lincoln Center’s Alice Tully Hall.
The annual Wedding: New York’s Biggest Day took place June 21 this year. The free event, which requires online registration, is the perfect opportunity to renew vows, since the ceremony is not legally binding as a marriage. It features live musical performances from special guests and a joyous party, according to the news release.
The annual event began during COVID-19, for couples whose weddings were derailed or scaled back due to the pandemic, said Shanta Thake, Ehrenkranz chief artistic officer at the Lincoln Center.
“Faith leaders will be coming to talk about what love and commitment means,” she said. “We provide flowers for flower crowns, and people share vows. There are cookies and champagne, and there are always hundreds of couples. It’s a celebration of couplehood.”