These pastries are going down in a glaze of glory.

National Donut Day arrives June 2, 2023 hot, fresh and with a hole in the middle to cure the empty feeling that lives in all of us.

Donut Day was conceived as a sacred day of observance by the Salvation Army, in 1938 the Chicago chapter baked up the occasion as a way to honor members who served doughnuts to soldiers during World War I. Chains like Dunkin’ Donuts, Krispy Kreme and McDonald’s offer free or discounted donuts on this day of days.

The history of donuts like most things is muddy, or clotted if you will with various characters laying claim and a few instances of simultaneous genius rising to the top of the lard boil.

Archeologists routinely find fossilized pieces of prehistoric donuts in the middens of Native American settlements. Dutch immigrants brought their “oily cakes” to American shores and legend states a ship captain inadvertently invented the donut as we know it when he speared a pastry on the spokes of the ship’s wheel so he could steer and eat. Nourishment and navigation, folks, the antiquated equivalent of ‘hold my beer.’

It may have been a sailor’s circumstance that gored the original donut but it was a Russian immigrants invention that led to its proliferation. In 1920, Adolph Levitt’s donuts were such a profound hit, he designed a machine to produce them fast enough to meet demand.

A land of appetites and excess, the US consumes more than 10 billion donuts per year, according to the Simmons National Consumer Survey.

Read on to learn more about the donut that embodies your zodiac sign and in the spirit of gout and all that is good, make sure and read our guide to the junk food that embodies your zodiac sign and the dessert that aligns with your stars.

A confectionary metaphor for the Aries temperament, mochi donuts are both sweet and unsettlingly akin to a throwing star. Aries is ruled by Mars, planet of conflict, action and litigation.

The mochi donut is an unlikely source of all three; this winter high-end NYC ice cream chain Mochidoki brought charges of trademark infringement against their Upper West Side rival dessert shop Mochi Dolci.

The Boston cream donut is the Taurus of donuts because it gives zero f—s and is equal parts decadent and uncompromising.

Leave it to a bull to argue to the death and the last crumb that what is very obviously a cake be called a pie.

Taureans are notorious for their appetites, attitudes and endurance, apropos of this, the Boston cream pie was born in Boston’s Omni Parker House, America’s longest continuously operating hotel.

It gets richer. In 1912, fleeing political persecution, Taurus Ho Chi Minh began working at the Omni Parker House as a pastry chef preparing the fabled dessert. Calories and communism, a Taurus poem.

Gemini is ruled by Mercury, planet of language and exchange. In kind, the earliest recipe for a jelly donut can be traced to a 16th century cookbook, “Mastery of the Kitchen,” the first cookbook to be printed on on Johannes Gutenberg’s press.

The donut was made by spreading jam between two bread rounds and deep frying the whole glorious, gluttonous wheel in lard. Two pieces made whole with an inside that leaves a stain? A Gemini poem if ever there was one.

Cancer are drawn to the classics; old Hollywood films, vintage bric-a-brac, family heirlooms and codependent relationship dynamics. Glazed is an adjective oft assigned to them, born of the sweat from the sex they just had with their ex, the dew of ennui they carry and the tears of memory they routinely weep.

Munchkins are the preferred donut of Leo Ben Affleck who stans hard for Dunkin’, reportedly visiting the franchise once a day and lending his hype to their recent Super Bowl commercial. Munchkins are an apt choice for lions as Leo is all heart and munchkins are the kind of donuts without a gaping hole inside of them. Bless.

As an earth sign Virgo is close to the dirt, preferring things unvarnished, untreated and uncomplicated people and donuts included. Virgos are ever seeking to improve themselves and the conditions of the world around them.

Enter the mother of all root vegetable confections, the potato donut, made with the starch and salt of the earth they are a lighter alternative to their wheat laden counterparts and align with the Virgo ethos of be better always and in all ways.

Check out more of The Post’s food astrology content:

In the Northern hemisphere Libra season coincides with darkening days, pumpkin spice, ubiquitous Ugg boots and apple picking, making the cider donut their autumnal equal. Libra is ruled by Venus, planet of aesthetics, assets and attraction.

Among the fruits associated with the goddess is the ‘tempt me into damnation’ apple. Apropos of this, Libra rules the adrenal glands and one of the myriad health benefits of apples is the alleviation of adrenal fatigue.

Scorpio and Cancer are a pair of water signs with much in common; heightened intuition, powerful emotionality, deep attachments and deeper resentments. Apropos of this, Scorpio is the chocolate glazed donut of the zodiac AKA a Cancer with goth frosting.

Sagittarius represents expansion and ideology, strange shores and long journeys. The ugly underbelly incarnation of this energy is colonization and it was colonization, courtesy of Spanish conquistadors is what brought churros to the shores of the new world. The other end of the archers arrow, good time rolling and road traversing can be found in the churro’s modern association with fairgrounds, carnivals, cinnamon and conviviality.

Cruller donuts, from the Dutch meaning “to curl,” are traditionally baked on New Years Eve, in the goat heart of Capricorn season and the crest of a fresh start.

Caps are the punishing sort who love a tome, a task and the feeling of having earned their hedonism.

Apropos of this, making crullers is historically a labor intensive affair with kids doing the bulk of the shaping and the grown ups getting after the deep frying. Caps and crullers, you must know the struggle to savor the sweet.

A beloved hybrid born from the imagination of a mad man, the cronut is the Aquarius of donuts. I cannot confirm the birth date of award winning French pastry chef Dominique Ansel, but his insane multi day approach to pastries, refusal to sleep more than three hours a night, belief that “time is an ingredient,” and cult like followers who are willing to ignore a corpse for a taste of heaven, have me fairly convinced he harbors a prominent Aquarius placement or four.

Pisces is ruled by Neptune, planet of imagination, intuition and psychic phenomena. Natives are noted for the faraway look in their eyes and the tendency to talk about mermaids, pareidolia, ghost ejaculate and sound baths.

The beignet is the unequivocal Pisces of donuts because it’s a little messy and tastes like a cloud dusted with the sweet, powdered bones of of a thousand doomed romantics.

Astrology 101: Your guide to the stars

Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.