Two tan, gorgeous blondes chilling on the beach, going on PG-rated dates and talking about butterflies and flowers. Am I describing Barbie, the forthcoming summer blockbuster from writer/director Greta Gerwig? No — I’m actually describing Too Hot to Handle Season 5.
Considering that Barbie is somehow still not out in theaters yet, despite having already dominated the season’s conversation, makes this unintentional bit of Netflix synergy a moment worth appreciating. Here’s a little reality TV treat while we wait. True, every season of Netflix’s ultimate hands-off reality dating show has a couple of blondes who embody the “life in plastic is fantastic” ethos, but none of them compare to Elys and Hunter. Not only that, no couple in Too Hot to Handle history have generated as many absurdist, existential, borderline self-aware moments as these two.
First off, Elys and Hunter are quintessentially Too Hot to Handle. They’re both self-described “adrenaline junkies” who know exactly how hot they are. For instance, Arizona bro Hunter knows that he’s hot enough to stroll up wearing fish-flops on his feet — which, yes, are flip-flops that look like trout. Elys is half-British and hails from Switzerland where her favorite pastime is “doing hot girl shit.”
These two know exactly what roles they are here to play; Hunter gives the camera an obligatory “all right, all right, all right” while Elys says that men are most attracted to her “banging pair of tits.” The difference between them, though, is that Elys has a knowing half-smile on her face while talking about her double-D boobs. She knows what she’s serving, what she’s saying, and even how it’s going to be edited. The Barbie doll has come to life!
Elyse and Hunter are immediately attracted to each other, almost as if they were matching dolls from the same line. “Here’s Too Hot to Handle Barbie and Ken, now with magnetically repelled lips and hands! Talking Lana cone sold separately.” They almost instantly decide to hook up… and hook up they do by locking lips in a hot tub, in their bed, and on the beach. These two cost the group $12,000 in day one alone, which is roughly how much it would cost to be a less-than-mint, but still fierce, Barbie #1 from 1959.
Hunter and Elys have the physical connection on lock, even if that’s exactly what the show was built around subduing. But really it’s the banter between these two that serves Gerwig Barbie realness.
While chilling on the beach, Hunter — every bit as clueless as Ryan Gosling’s chiseled-in-plastic Ken — tries to start a conversation with “that ocean looks great” and even “beautiful weather we’re having.” When Elys tries to pry something more, anything more, out of him, he offers, “Saw a couple of sea turtles.” The two opt for losing money and making out instead of continuing their convo.
This pattern — Elys tries to make small talk and Hunter just whiffs it — repeats every time these two are alone. Every single interaction between Elys and Hunter where their lips are not preoccupied is very “do you guys ever think about dying?”
You can hear the needle scratch after every exchange these two have on their only proper date.
It feels like Elys is ready to hightail it off the island in a hot pink speedboat on her quest for meaning, and Hunter’s ready to pop up from under a seat right behind her, wearing a snorkel and life jacket.
Instead, this is where Elys and Hunter part ways — SPOILER ALERT, I guess, for anyone who actually sees any of the developments in Too Hot to Handle as spoilable. Their love story lasted only 3 days (a fraction of a fraction of Barbie and Ken’s 22,772 days together — and counting). Elys has moved on to Alex, a British man with an equally rocking bod and much better banter.
Only time, or future episodes of Season 5, will tell if Elys has truly found her Ken in Alex (apparently Ken was available as a blond and brunette when introduced in 1961). As for Hunter, here’s hoping he can find a new Barbie on the island, or at least a Midge.