Is it that time of year again? It’s that time of year again. Clear your throats. Raise your voices. Join me in song!
lll
“I Saw Tommy Make A Touchdown Toss”
(“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”)
Sung by rejuvenated Giants fans
I saw Tommy make a touchdown toss
Made the Packers look like silly fools
He made some tacklers miss
Then he blew them a chef’s kiss
And then he drove
To Cedar Grove
Dreaming dreams of gabagools
Then I saw Tommy pouring Vodka sauce
On the chicken cutlets Mama fried
Had a pasta side as well
(Post exclusive: pappardelle)
Mama Mia, he is bona-fide!
lll
“Last Season”
(“Last Christmas”)
Sung by frustrated Yankees fans
- With Rob Ricco
Last season I gave you my heart
But before Labor Day
You gave it away (you gave it away!)
Next year to save on some beers
I’ll go to a play or a movie (movie!)
Tell me Hal, will you spend like your dad?
You dealt for Soto but the pitching staff is bad
Tell me, Brian, do you recognize
It’s been 15 years since you won … the … prize
Cole and Judge, somehow escaped this hell
Somehow Stanton is already on IL
Maybe Volpe can be supersonic
But Rodon’s back … I know … how … to … spell “chronic.”
Last season we won 82
But the playoff swoon
Started early, in June
Next year, Boone says not to fear (not to fear)
I won’t, I’ll be at the movies (movies!) …
lll
“ ’Twas the Mets’ Metsiest Season of All”
(“It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”)
Sung by disgruntled Mets fans
’Twas the Mets’ Metsiest season of all
With bad baseball relapsing
Mid-summer collapsing
No hopes for the fall!
’Twas the Mets’ Metsiest season of all …
’Twas a most-Metsian season, my friend …
Diaz knee ACL-ing
Max, Justin foretelling
Of doom in the end!
’Twas no luck (and then no Buck) what a trend …
There were sad fans a-snoring
Francisco Lindoring
And Polar Bear finding the range
There was much bad bullpenning
And Steve Cohen yenning
For bang for his buck for a change …
’Tis the Mets’ Metsiest season to groan …
Couldn’t trade for Juan Soto
And now Yamamoto
Might call Bronx his home!
’Tis the Mets’ Metsiest season … to … groan!
lll
The Christmas Wrongs
(“The Christmas Song”)
Sung by a city now a dozen years into a title drought
Carl Banks roasting on the radio
Writers search for Leon Rose
First-time-long-times, with their voices aflame
They’re angry, head down to their toes
Everybody knows …
Parades go on in other towns
Kansas City, Denver, too
Even Vegas, what a joke, what a crime
Can look at us and laugh: “#@%$ you!”
We know Ohtani’s in L.A.
(And if you didn’t know, just tune in Michael Kay)
And every other star, asked how they feel
They say, “We would …
But we could end up like Aaron’s heel …”
And so I’m begging of the sporting gods
(Though they’ve tuned out now, I fear)
The Yanks or the Rangers
Or the Isles or the Jets
Give us something … next … year
lll
“My Favorite Things”
Because, come on, it’s still Christmas!
Judge and Alonso when crashing and crushing
Wilson receiving and Saquon while rushing
Bridges and Claxton when Jacque’s system clicks …
Jalen and Julius and Hart from the Knicks …
Islanders winning for Lou Lamoriello
Giants rebounding behind a Goodfellow
Rangers and Devils hooked up in the spring …
(That was my favorite ’23 thing!)
When the umps stink, when the refs blink
When they make you mad …
Just sit back and say
“Hey, let’s see the replay!”
And then it won’t be … so bad
lll
Just one more thing before holiday grazing.
You, gentle reader, you’re greatly amazing.
Thanks for your fan mail (even when it stings).
You are the fave of my favorite things.