Some of the hottest people on earth have sworn off sex.
Celibacy, a voluntary vow not to get it on, is gaining traction (if not friction) thanks to celebs like Julia Fox and Lenny Kravitz. What are the risks and rewards of abstaining? Read on to learn more.
Christine Rafe, sex and relationship expert for Womanizer shares with Body+Soul that periods of celibacy are a normal response to life’s myriad changes,
“It’s very likely that you will experience fluctuations and changes in your experience of desire, arousal and pleasure throughout your life and this can fluctuate weekly, monthly (particularly for those who menstruate), or more progressively over different life stages, including puberty, relationship dynamics, parenthood, menopause, older age, etc.”
The reasons for celibacy are as broad as its terms. They can range from religious observance to personal development, healing from trauma, steering clear of STDs and/or focusing on career goals. In the case of involuntary celibates, or incels, the individual wants to have sex but is unable to find an interested partner.
Young folk en masse are having less sex than previous generations. One study reported that in 2017, only 24% of young adults aged 18 to 23 said they were having casual sex, compared to 38% in 2007.
Nina Burns, a former “America’s Next Top Model” contestant, previously spoke to The Post about going on a “sex fast.” “It was a really bad relationship,” the New York model said. Burns wanted to take some time to focus on herself and her needs without having her head “clouded” by sex.
“Going celibate is a more mature way to find someone who values other things in life,” she added. “It was just what I needed.”
Lenny Kravitz is celibate for “spiritual” reasons and hasn’t been in a serious relationship in nine years.
“I have become very set in my ways, in the way I live,” he told the Guardian
The singer previously spoke about his decision to be celibate in 2008. “[It’s] just a promise I made until I get married,” he told Maxim. “Where I’m at in life, the women have got to come with something else, not just the body, but the mind and spirit. It usually trips them out, but that’s the way it’s going to be. I’m looking at the big picture.”
Actress Julia Fox, author of the best-selling memoir “Down The Drain,” revealed this spring that she’s been celibate for over two years and has “never been better.”
She assured women they “don’t have to say forever,” but being celibate can help them learn to “be comfortable being alone,” which she said was a “huge struggle.”
While abstinence and celibacy are sometimes used as synonyms for no sex, they are markedly different. Abstinence typically refers to the choice not to have penetrative sex for a specified period of time, IE, before marriage. Celibacy, by contrast, is a vow to remain abstinent for a longer period of time.
And now, thanks to the genius of Gen-Z, there’s fresh language for not getting it on.
Explaining to her TikTok audience that celibate “does not sound cool” comedian Hope Woodard coined the term “boy sober” in 2023 to describe her decision to swear off sex and dating.
When it comes to celibacy and abstinence, determining what, if any, sexual activities are limited or allowed is up to the individual. Going full-on #boysober, meanwhile, comes with a guide.
In an earlier TikTok post, Woodard disseminated a list of rules for going bona fide boy sober: no dating apps, no dates, no exes, no hookups.
“My whole life I’ve been saying ‘I’m single, I’m single, I’m single,’ no I’ve never been single, I’ve always had a situationship — you’re not single if someone is taking up your brain space.”
According to UK-based relationship coach Lara Besbrode of The Matchmaker UK, it’s crucial to embark on celibacy from a place of true reflection.
“This journey begins with introspection — understanding personal values and finding joy in one’s own accomplishments and happiness outside of external validation,” Besbrode said. “Engaging in activities that boost self-esteem and offer personal satisfaction is key. Whether it’s pursuing hobbies, focusing on career goals, or indulging in self-care, the aim is to appreciate one’s own company and achievements, realizing that true validation comes from within, not from the approval of others.”
Potential benefits of being celibate include:
Rafe shares, “While there are recognized physical, emotional and psychological benefits to engaging in solo or partnered sexual activity (including outercourse or non-penetrative sex), this does not mean that there are negative consequences associated with not being sexually active.”
There are, however, some definite drawbacks.
Potential drawbacks to becoming celibate include:
Rafe maintains that both celibacy and sexual activity fall within the range of a healthy lifestyle and ultimately, folks who forgo are not in imminent danger.
“Sex can certainly be a component of a healthy lifestyle, but it is not essential for you to be healthy,” says Rafe. “If it is not causing you concern or impacting your life in any adverse ways, then you can absolutely live a healthy and fulfilling life without having sex!”