Even the best of friends have their differences, but politics, flakiness and miscommunication are common points of contention among even the chummiest of pals, according to a few UK-based experts.
Donna Morgan, a counselor, told Metro that a lack of reciprocity — or a lopsided friendship — can cause “resentment.”
“A friendship where one person constantly feels they are putting more into the relationship, whether emotionally or in terms of effort, can lead to feelings of resentment and being undervalued,” she said.
Flakiness or unreliability — via chronic last-minute cancellations or broken promises — can also drive a rift due to the erosion of trust, the crux of a solid friendship.
Even worse, a self-centered bestie who shows signs of narcissism can make you feel “unimportant.”
“When one party consistently dominates conversations, focusing primarily on their own experiences and showing little interest in others, it can leave friends feeling unheard and unimportant,” said Morgan, who added that differing or evolving values over time can cause a friendship to crumble.
Politics, therapist Jenny Warwick noted, are also “polarizing issues,” especially if the discussion or debate can’t be held “respectively and sensitively.”
“Actively listening to your friend’s perspective is a good start,” Warwick advised. “Aim to understand their point of view before you respond.”
Speaking of, communication is vital to a healthy friendship — but can quickly cause a relationship to deteriorate if both parties can’t adequately express their feelings.
“For example, you may prefer [to be] direct, while your friend likes a subtle approach,” explained Warwick, who advised people to give their friends their “full attention” to show respect.
“The best start is to initiate an open and candid conversation with your friend about your different communication methods. Explain your preferences and ask them about theirs.”
- Political differences
- Flakiness or unreliability
- Lack of effort
- Miscommunication
- Narcissism
- Lack of trust
Not listening to a friend’s advice could also lead to resentment, according to counselor Abigail Holman, who described a situation in which one friend consistently relies on the other for emotional support, but never trusts them enough to take their guidance.
“This dynamic can create a sense of being in a constant rescue role for one friend, while the other may feel like a helpless victim, which can be emotionally draining for both,” she explained.
“This situation can result in frustration and even resentment, negatively affecting both friends. The friend seeking help may struggle to trust themselves if they constantly seek external advice, while the friend offering it may feel overwhelmed and unheard.”