With 15 seasons under her belt, Tamra Judge is making history as the longest-running Real Housewives star. But after receiving backlash for the way she handled Shannon Beador and her DUI last season, there was a point in time when Judge considered leaving The Real Housewives of Orange County altogether. It wasn’t until her best friend Teddi Mellencamp, who is fighting stage four cancer, convinced her to keep going that she decided to return for Season 19.

“[I went in] from a very bad last season that really took a toll on me and made me think maybe I didn’t want to come back,” Judge told Decider when she stopped by our studio last week. “It took Teddi to tell me, ‘Listen, if I can push through this, you’ve got to push through that. Get your ass back out there and start working.'”

As we saw in the premiere episode, Judge was going through a roller coaster of emotions after learning of Mellencamp’s diagnosis, which came one week into filming the new season. Because of that, Judge admitted her “head wasn’t really all there the entire time” they were filming, and she didn’t get her “camera legs” until the season was nearly wrapped. But when that time did come, you better believe she stood up to returning star Gretchen Rossi, who, as teased in the Season 19 trailer, accused Judge of having an affair.

“Personally, I would have done things differently if I was her,” Judge said. “I wouldn’t have gone there. I would have moved forward and showed what a strong person [I am], what I’m doing in life. But the problem is she’s not doing anything different in life than she was 15 years ago.”

When we caught up with Judge, she also gave an update on her friendship with Beador, spoke about her experience going to therapy, and revealed whether she thinks Heather Dubrow would rather be on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Check out the full interview below.

DECIDER: Based on what we’ve seen in the first episode, it seems like we’re going to get a softer Tamra this season. Would you agree with that? 

TAMRA JUDGE: I will agree with that. Absolutely. [I went in] from a very bad last season that really took a toll on me and made me think maybe I didn’t want to come back. It took Teddi to tell me, “Listen, if I can push through this, you’ve got to push through that. Get your ass back out there and start working.” I’m going through therapy and literally a week into filming, Teddi got diagnosed. So, my head wasn’t really all there the entire time. It took me really a while to get myself back together. 

This is your 15th season on Real Housewives, making you the longest-running Housewife. If you could go back in time, would you tell Season 3 Tamra?

Nothing. I think that I do what I do and that’s why I have been here for 15 years. It’s because I don’t edit myself. I don’t self-produce. I say how I feel. I’m brutally honest and that’s how I live my life. Have I made mistakes along the way? Yeah. I mean, there are some scenes I wish I could take back, a lot of them. But I am who I am. Love me or hate me. 

I thought it was really brave of you to invite cameras into your therapy session. Now that you’re coming up on a year in just a few months, how would you say therapy has helped or changed you?

Going into therapy is very difficult because they want to dig up things from the past and you have to go through your childhood and you go through your parents divorce and your own divorce and custody battles and all that kind of stuff. I grew up where you don’t cry unless you get something to cry about, or we sweep everything under the rug. I literally was never taught how to process emotions and things like that and that’s why oftentimes when I can’t get my words out, I will scream and I will yell. And [my therapist has] just given me the tools to deal with life. It’s never too late to learn. I am 57 years old and I had gone to therapy before with kids and things like that, but not necessarily just for me for a consistent amount of time. 

Well, I’m proud of you. I know everybody’s proud of you.

Thank you. I just don’t want to ruin my edge for reality TV now. 

At the end of last season, you and Shannon seemed to bury the hatchet. But when we come back, we see that maybe you’re not as close as you used to be. Would you like to be? What would it take for that to happen?

At this point, I’ve done everything I could do to get close to her and she just doesn’t want any part of it, which is really confusing to me because I was her bestest friend for 10 years. I was the one that carried that friendship. I was one that was there for her. I don’t have struggles in regular life. I really don’t. I’m very blessed with my life. I’ve got a great husband. I have great children. I have a thriving business. I have a great podcast. I’m very busy in life and I would always take the time to help her or talk to her or talk her off a cliff or whatever it is. There are some things that happened before last season started where I caught her saying some really horrible things about me. When confronted, I said, “I can’t do this with you anymore. This is the second time I’ve heard you say horrible things. I’ve warned you if you do it again…” which she denied it. And to this day, she denies it and I know 100% it’s true. So when we went into the season, I was like, “I’m just not putting up with her nonsense anymore.” Did I need to call her an alcoholic? Or maybe I was a little harsh with my words. I did try very hard to move forward, but she’s not that type. She’s not that girl that can move on. She wants to hold a grudge. She wants everybody around her to hate me. It’s just very childish. 

I have have to ask: what did you think about Jennifer’s wedding bikini idea? 

I mean, to each their own. I think that she is the one that any chance she can put a bikini on and sexualize herself on social media or whatever, that’s what she does and that’s where she gets her attention. I would like to see somebody that is working for her future. She’s almost 50. Trust me, it’s one thing to post a bikini picture once in a while, but now you’re bikini shopping for your wedding? OK. I thought it was really cute that they thought that I even wanted to go to their wedding. 

I’m like, why would I want to go? And then another thing I thought was really cute, she’s like, “How was I friends with her for so many years?” I’m, like, “Girl, I didn’t meet you until you became a member at my gym. And I knew you for, like, two years loosely.” I invited her to group things that we did. We weren’t best friends by any means. There was a time after she left her husband and she was with Ryan that I hardly talked to her at all … until she called me or texted me one day and said, “Hey. Producers reached out to me to try out for the show.” I was like, “Oh, great! Any help you need, just let me know. I’m here to help.” Because I knew it was her lifelong dream to be on the show. 

You guys may not be close, but she is close with Katie – or at least she was. I don’t really know where they stand now.

Oh no, she turns on Katie. 

There’s a lot of stuff coming up about Katie this season. She has apparently been talking to bloggers about you and Emily. What was your reaction when you found that out? 

We have a sit down. I think it kind of got made as a flashback, but I sat down with her and I said, “Listen, I know that you reached out to this blogger because she was on a podcast and mentioned that you had called her to console her because she was doing some really horrible things to me. I don’t understand what your motivation is. Like, what are you trying to do?” First she denies it and then we find out what happens. But I think she truly got caught up in thinking that bloggers are her friend, and there are a lot of amazing content creators out there that are just here for the good of the show and just to talk about it. But there are some, like this person that she was talking to, that are not. They want to get involved, they wanna cause conflict, so maybe they’re gonna get shown on the show. Those aren’t the people that you wanna talk to. And of course, a lot of girls do. I mean, look at [Real Housewives of New Jersey].

It’s not unheard of. 

It’s not unheard of. So you’ll see how it plays out. 

And maybe we’ll see receipts?

Probably. Yeah. You don’t in tonight’s episode, but I mean, she ultimately admits it. 

I also want to talk about Gretchen Rossi coming back. We see in the trailer that she accuses you of having an affair. Where did that stem from? And is there anything you want to clear up before that whole storyline comes out? 

First of all, I didn’t have an affair and I think it’s quite comical. She’s talking about something from 15 years ago. I had just left Simon and was shortly after that, dating Eddie, so if I wanted to sleep with this person, guess what? I could have. It’s so silly. It’s so stupid. It just goes to show she can’t move forward. She’s still talking about things that weren’t even filmed in HD. She likes that blur. So with the flashbacks, she’ll get that blur that she loves. I’m not interested in that. I move forward, and I get over things pretty quickly. She acts like I destroyed her life and all these things. But really, all she’s doing – it’s very stupid – is bringing it back up and resurfacing it. Personally, I would have done things differently if I was her. I wouldn’t have gone there. I would have moved forward and showed what a strong person [I am], what I’m doing in life. But the problem is she’s not doing anything different in life than she was 15 years ago. Same person, has not grown at all, same hairdo, same clothes. She was wearing Tory Burch the other day. I said, “Where’d you get those?”

There is another moment in the trailer where everybody’s taking a polygraph test. One thing that caught my eye was when Heather was asked if she wishes she were a Beverly Hills Housewife. What do you think? 

Well, of course she wants to be a Beverly Hills Housewife! Yeah. I think there were, in the future episodes, some conversations about that. Like, are we not enough? But you’ll have to hear what she has to say about that, I don’t want to give it away, but yeah. I would love to go to Miami. I would love to go to Salt Lake City. I like the way those girls interact. 

You could do that new wife swap show they’re working on.

Oh God, no thank you. But I like that. I like the fact that you can get in there, you can say, you guys can argue, and then you can move on. Because I feel like with our show, it’s like, “Oh, Tamra don’t act like that!” I’m like, do you not want our show to succeed? What do you want? Do you want me to sit there and go, “OK, yes. OK, I’ll do what you want.” No, we need that. You have to have conflict and resolution. When you can’t have resolution, that’s when I feel like that Housewife needs to go. 

I almost feel like social media has made it so much worse because the moment someone is labeled as a villain, people want them off the show. But you need someone there to stir the pot.

The villain is the most popular character on the show. Any show, any movie, any reality show, they’re always the most popular. 

Totally true. Is there anything you can tease about the rest of the season?

Oh, sure. So, whoa, jeez, what’s to come? Honestly, it’s so weird because it’s such a blur for me because I was going through so much personally, and I feel like I didn’t really get my camera legs until the season was almost over. I would say that the end of the season, the season finale, ends with an unexpected bang that leaves somebody very left out. But they did it to themselves. 

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

New episodes of The Real Housewives of Orange County air Thursday nights at 9 p.m. ET/PT on Bravo. New episodes are available to stream the next day on Peacock.