Olympic gymnast Jordyn Wieber was one of 16 brave celebrities to try her hand at Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 3 — but after three days on the grueling course, she voluntarily withdrew herself by handing in her armband to DS Billy Billingham.

Wieber was a quiet, yet determined presence on Special Forces. Her experience as a competitive gymnast made it difficult to hear the word, “Fail,” but she persevered through the first set of training exercises nonetheless. It was her time in the water that ultimately threw her off her game. “I really drew upon a lot of that mental, physical toughness that I have in me as an athlete. But none of that helped me in the water,” she said in a Zoom interview with DECIDER.

In Episode 3 — appropriately titled “Terror” — the recruits were forced to retrieve a package from the bottom of a makeshift boat once it was fully submerged underwater. Despite the words of encouragement from her fellow recruits, Wieber backed out at the last second, handing in her armband and voluntarily withdrawing from the course.

“I was freaked out and just nervous of how it would go and just really didn’t want to have another panic moment,” she said, referring to a prior water exercise that resulted in a panic attack.

Unlike some of the other recruits who left the course early, Wieber was at least able to have her time in the mirror room, where she bravely opened up about being a victim in the infamous sexual abuse case against Dr. Larry Nassar, who was sentenced to up to 175 years in prison in 2018. Looking back on her one-on-one with the directing staff, Wieber — who testified against Nassar — told DECIDER that it was “not hard to be vulnerable when you are really broken down mentally and physically,” noting that she talked about the painful experience to “continue to be a voice for other sexual abuse survivors and show that vulnerability is okay.”

Following her elimination from Special Forces, DECIDER caught up with Wieber over Zoom, where she talked more about her time on the show and how her experience as an Olympic athlete helped prepare her for it. Check out the full interview below.

DECIDER: Jordyn, I give you so many props for even signing on to do this show. How would you say your experience as an Olympic gymnast helped prepare you for Special Forces?

JORDYN WIEBER: That’s a good question. I think it prepared me in some ways. But, you know, there were just some things that I think nobody could be prepared for about a show like this. I would say, like, gymnastics obviously gives you just a level of mental toughness, like being any high level athlete does. But gymnastics especially – being able to train the number of hours that we train and push through certain injuries and mental moments. I would say I really drew upon a lot of that mental, physical toughness that I have in me as an athlete. But none of that helped me in the water, I will say. But, you know, in the other parts of the show, yeah, definitely. Like when I was about to jump off that bridge, I felt really confident just basing that fear and taking that leap and doing it. Heights don’t bother me. I think that’s because I’m a gymnast and, you know, certain things like that.

You said you wanted to do Special Forces to challenge yourself in a new way since your retirement from gymnastics – and we certainly saw you take on a lot of challenging training exercises. Which did you find to be the most difficult and why?

I would definitely say that the first day we did the beehive and we were in the water. I think everyone could see – obviously treading water for an extended period of time, it is hard. But what you couldn’t really tell was we were wearing our boots and our full gear. And as you get closer together, peoples’ arms are grabbing you and legs are kicking you. And there were other parts of that that just made it even more challenging. And for someone like me who just has zero experience in the water whatsoever, there was only so long I could do that for.

Yeah. I mean, that’s tough!

Yeah. So that was definitely the hardest part for me. And then I think everything else we did in the water after that, really just freaked me out because of that first experience. 

You had a bit of a panic attack with that water exercise on premiere night, and I don’t blame you! You said you didn’t even know you were that scared of water. What do you think triggered that? What was going through your mind during that exercise?

I think the beehive definitely triggered it. Being on the beach and doing that, like when you’re upside down in the water and the waves are coming this way and you can’t breathe. You saw us rocking back. Like, we must have done that like 30 times at least. So it was just hard. I think my association with the water from the day before really kind of triggered that. And when I couldn’t catch my breath and get my breathing back to normal, that really kind of caused that panic. And then I’ve always had a certain level of exercise-induced asthma that I had when I was a gymnast. But honestly, I have not experienced even one time since I finished gymnastics until this show. So I think I just underestimated that for sure. But yeah, it was tough, but I’m glad that I got myself together and got back in the water.

The living quarters on Special Forces are meant to break recruits down. What was the most challenging part of being in that space?

I think the most challenging part was just the cold. You’re in this basically repurposed barn and there’s no heat. We had one room next to where we slept that was called the drying room where we would hang up our wet clothes when they were soaked. And I found myself just, like, hanging out in there a lot because it was the only warm room. So I think the cold is the hardest part, especially when you’re trying to sleep and you’re freezing.

I was telling Billy and Rudy last week that I love the mirror room scenes because we really get to know the recruits in a different way. When it came time for your one-on-one, did you find it easy or difficult to be vulnerable with the directing staff as you opened up about everything you had gone through in your gymnastics career?

Yeah, I mean, it was obviously hard. I mean, that’s not something that is enjoyable to talk about. I continue to talk about it when it’s appropriate because I want to continue to be a voice for other sexual abuse survivors and and really show that vulnerability is OK. And the more I talk about it, the more I feel like it’s inspiring to other survivors that might not feel like they can speak up. So there was that part. It’s not hard to feel vulnerable when you are really broken down mentally and physically. It just makes you feel emotional. The smallest thing, like, I could have just cried. And for those that know me personally, I don’t cry very often. So I think that was just a part of the exhaustion. But watching it back, I’m glad that I was vulnerable and I can be a model for other people that it’s okay to have that emotion and to struggle with things. And the most important thing is what you do next and how you respond.

Totally. I remember Foxy gave you some advice at the end of your talk. Did you feel like that kind of gave you your second wind?

Yeah, it was definitely encouraging because that was the first soft moment I felt from the DS. Every other time they’re yelling at you and telling you you’re pathetic and all these other things. So I felt like they became more human in that room, which I know in real life they are. And I know that a lot of it is just acting for TV and entertainment. But yeah, it was great to see them in a different light and kind of hear those words of encouragement, like, “Keep going.” And, you know, a huge part of me wishes I could have kept going even further. But, you know, I think I did the very best that I could.

The exercise in this week’s episode involved one of my personal biggest fears – being locked in a sinking boat. Why was that the one that made you walk away?

I think because I’d been having the issues in the water since I’d gotten there, I really felt like there was two scenarios for me going into that. It was either I wasn’t going to do it or I was going to try it and I was going to have another panic in the water because it was cold, it was murky. Like, I don’t even know how to open my eyes under the water. That’s how little experience I have in the water. So I was freaked out and just nervous of how it would go and just really didn’t want to have another panic moment. Like, that’s a really scary thing to go through for anyone that has ever dealt with that. So to kind of anticipate it and really want to avoid it at all costs, that’s really what I was feeling. And I kind of knew there was going to be a challenge like that. I was at home before I left, like, in my bathtub, trying to open my eyes under the water. But it’s a whole different thing when you’re in the ocean and you’re kind of in a marina type thing where it’s murky and freezing cold. So it was just next level.

Billy said going to the end doesn’t necessarily mean going to the end of the show. Instead, it’s giving your 100% and getting out of the experience what you need to before knowing when to walk away. Did you feel like you got what you needed out of your time on Special Forces?

I definitely think so. I think I challenged myself in a lot of ways. I learned some things about myself. I really wish I could have made it further because I felt like I had it in me if it hadn’t been for the water. I know I’m going to watch the rest of the season and I know I’m going to wish that I had stuck around for a lot of the other challenges because I can do them. And so, I think I did push myself as far as I could go when it came to the water. But there’s still some unfinished business when it came to the other stuff. So it’s a tough question for me. But, you know, I’m really proud of what I did accomplish while I was there.

When I talked to Christy Carlson Romano, she said she had some nightmares when she returned home from Wales – but was grateful that production had therapists checking in and that the recruits kept in touch. How was your experience after coming home? 

I was fine. I really wasn’t there long enough to really experience things on that level. If anything, I was just really bruised and tired and just needed a lot of sleep and some normal food and things like that. I just kind of jumped right back into work. I think for a while I just kind of tried to forget about things because it was tough to leave and it was tough to go through what we went through. But at the same time, [I’m] just really grateful for the experience and to get to know the cast members, to be able to have that opportunity to experience what it’s like to be a Special Forces recruit. Like, that was a once in a lifetime experience. And I’m, like I said, grateful for so [it’s a] combination of those things.

I’d love to know: was there anyone you were super excited about meeting once you realized who was going to be on your cast? 

Well, we didn’t know who was going to be in the cast until we showed up on that boat and saw everybody. So I really couldn’t anticipate any excitement. But I think once I got there, I was really excited to see Nathan [Adrian] because he was the one person I knew from before. We were both competing in the same Olympic Games, so was a familiar face for me. I mean, meeting Marion [Jones] was pretty cool. She’s obviously just a legend in track and field, and she was just a great supporter and encourager there and still is today.

I just think the most unsuspecting people you end up meeting and really enjoying. Cam [Newton] and Golden [Tate] were always cracking jokes the whole time and keeping it light. And to be able to meet somebody like Kayla [Nicole] who I probably would have never, ever met any other time in my life — and to be able to say we are friends — that’s really cool to me because she was just such a tough person. She was number six or eight or whatever on the other side of seven. And so we were always in the car together and our cots were next to each other and things like that. I wasn’t really starstruck by anybody, but it was just cool because you realize everybody is just a human being.

Did you seek any advice from any fellow Olympians who had been on the show in prior seasons before you started filming? 

I didn’t ask anyone [for] advice. I thought about it just because I knew Nastia [Liukin] had been on it. And I know Nastia, but I really didn’t have a lot of time to prepare because I found out really close to when we left that I was doing it. And I kind of went into this game mode of like, “Okay, just get yourself as fit as you can, prepare as much as you can, get your ducks in a row.” So I didn’t. I’m not sure if it would have been helpful or not. I think I just kind of wanted to experience it for myself and see what it was all about. 

Are there any other competition shows you’d be willing to try out? 

Gosh, I don’t know. I don’t watch a lot of reality TV shows.

Dancing with the Stars?

Oh, yeah. I would do Dancing with the Stars in a heartbeat. I feel like I would do really well on that because I’m a good performer. But yeah, I’ll say Dancing with the Stars.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on Fox.

If you or someone you know needs to reach out about sexual abuse or assault, RAINN is available 24/7 at 800-656-HOPE (4673), or online at RAINN.org.