Ariana Madix wasn’t the only Vanderpump Rules cast member who was affected by Tom Sandoval‘s months-long affair with Rachel “Raquel” Leviss. While appearing on Bravo’s Hot Mic podcast, Scheana Shay broke down in tears over the “number” Scandoval did on her.
The reality star, who has starred in the hit Bravo series since Season 1, teased that she spends a lot of time in the upcoming eleventh season deciding whether or not she should forgive Sandoval for what he did to her best friend.
“Do I just stay Team Ariana and say F Tom forever? Do I try and work towards a path of forgiveness for me personally? Do I try to be his friend again? Is that me being disloyal to her?” she wondered. “It was this whole inner struggle all season long where I’m like, I have things that I need to work through so I can sleep at night, so I can be a present mother.”
The “Good as Gold” singer then began to cry.
“It was so hard and I don’t know that Ariana will ever understand how hard this was on me personally,” she said. “Because yes, it didn’t happen to me. I wasn’t cheated on. But there was a lot that he did do personally to me and I’m someone who always tries to work toward a path of forgiveness because that’s just who I am. So it has been such a struggle to try and stay loyal while working on myself first.”
Aside from Madix — who had been dating Sandoval for nine years when the news of his affair broke — Shay believes she was most affected by his actions with Leviss. But because she wasn’t the one who was actually cheated on, she said she has difficulty sharing her side of the story without stepping on anyone’s toes.
“I’m not allowed to feel anything because it’s not about me, because it’s only about her. So [I’m] struggling with, ‘How can I tell my story while still keeping it about her because it’s not about me, but it kind of is about me?'” Shay said, before later adding, “I feel like it’s the first season where I’m like, ‘I have to do what’s best for me first and hopefully everyone understands.’ And I’m still figuring out what that is.”
According to Shay, the aftermath of Scandoval — which landed her in court after Leviss filed a temporary restraining order alleging that she had hit her — even took a physical toll on her body.
“I lost weight after the scandal, I was in court after the scandal, I was fighting rumors online about my own husband after the scandal,” she said. “It really did a number on me that I don’t think a lot of people realize.”
We’ll just have to see how it all unfolds when Vanderpump Rules Season 11 premieres on Jan. 30 on Bravo.