After approximately one-half an episode of normalcy, Riverdale is back on its bullsh*t in the final season of The CW series, despite the setting being transferred to the more innocent 1950s. As revealed in the opening moments of this week’s episode, “Chapter One Hundred Twenty: Sex Education”, Ethel Muggs (Shannon Purser) didn’t just stumble into the school’s sock hop with random blood all over her dress… It was her parent’s blood. And not only that: she claims the milkman did it.
Or rather, a milkman did it, as Sheriff Keller (Martin Cummins) is quick to clear the adorable, 70-year-old town milkman who is so blameless he’s allowed to get a good night’s sleep before being questioned in a double homicide. Over the course of this week’s episode, as the teens of the town are reaching dangerous levels of horny thanks to a group sex dream and a makeout party, Jughead Jones (Cole Sprouse) tries desperately to clear Ethel’s name — or at least try to stave off whatever is coming to her as suspect number one.
…You know how mysteries work, right? Yes, Ethel was the last person seen with her parents before their deaths. Yes, Ethel seems to have pulled the story of a Milkman Murderer directly from a popular horror comic book. And yes, she drew a picture of herself chopping up her parents and putting them through a meat grinder. But who among us has not drawn the murder of our parents before they were graphically murdered in a similar fashion? Let he who is without sin be the first to crank that meat grinder, I always say!
The point being, with everything, er, pointing to Ethel it is possible Riverdale could go the obvious route. But chances are, with plenty of episodes to go in the season, the Milkman Murders are just beginning — and we’ve got a few likely suspects right here.
Riverdale airs Wednesdays at 9/8c on The CW