First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.
A relationship expert recently told UK audiences that couples should prioritize each other before their kids — and the uncommon advice might save your marriage.
“Your relationship is the foundation upon which everything builds,” Paul Carrick Brunson, a matchmaker for the reality show “Married at First Sight,” explained on a recent episode of “Lorraine” on Britain’s ITV.
“If you have a strong union, strong communication, your children have strong communication, typically. If you have the ability to resolve conflict, then your children have a better chance of resolving conflict.”
Multiple studies have proven that children are more likely to thrive behaviorally and academically throughout life when raised in a stable two-parent household.
“To me, your marriage is the foundation. A strong foundation means a stronger chance for your children to be emotionally adjusted and healthy,” Brunson said.
Prioritizing your romantic relationships is also a form of self-care. It’s important for parents to maintain relationships and create an identity outside of being a parent.
When parents don’t prioritize themselves and their partners they can even come to resent parenthood.
A mother recently went viral on TikTok lamenting about the struggles of being a mother and having no time to focus on herself.
“I hate being a mom sometimes — most of the time,” admitted the mom-of-one, known digitally as @Bvd.Juju, in the trending testimonial.
“I wanna be selfish, I wanna put myself first, I wanna put my mental health first,” the Toronto, Canada resident continued, adding that she’s parenting a child with autism. “I was not meant to be a mom — especially to a child with special needs.”
In the controversial clip, which has amassed over 1.1 million views, JuJu, a professional makeup artist, lamented the hardships of raising a kid with disabilities, noting that her son’s challenges often leave her sleep-deprived and unable to properly nurture herself.
She confessed that the lack of rest and self-care has waned on her sanity.
“When you dedicate time and energy to maintaining and investing in your friendship and erotic life, you are investing in the long-term foundation of your relationship. Doing so ensures that you will stay good friends and lovers as you evolve as partners in the child-rearing business,” certified personal coach Galit Romanelli told Psychology Today.
Experts have also noted that children need to observe healthy relationships to emulate.
Children “inhale the multifaceted, intimate, playful, and explorative energy between their parents as lovers and friends,” Romanelli explained.
“When that relational space is loving, positive, and sensitive, your kids will internalize these qualities and values, as well as have a blueprint for what a healthy relationship looks and feels like.”