These mama bears aren’t giving up their cubs that easily.
Leaving home and heading off to college can be a scary time of transition for some teens — and even more frightening for some of their mothers.
That’s why many well-meaning maternal figures are choosing to meddle in their children’s lives from afar, flocking to parent Facebook groups to arrange playdates, schedule hair appointments and locate restaurants suited to their child’s dietary requirements — essentially acting as remote concierges for their not-so-little learners.
“There were definitely a lot of posts that said, ‘My child has no friends,’ and of course that’s heartbreaking,” Ali, a mom of twins from Manhattan, told The Cut of the parent Facebook group she joined when her brood flew the coop for the University of Chicago.
Ali recounted one unnamed mom’s Facebook plea for pals, saying that others quickly rose to the occasion, offering to arrange a “playdate” between their child and the loner.
One parent even suggested a friends-finding hack that worked wonders for her daughter: “She organized a listening party to the Taylor Swift album drop in the fall and she brought back a game or two with the idea of throwing a game night,” recalled Ali — who said there was “no way in hell” she’d ever seek out buds for her babies via the online forum.
She did, however, turn to the buzzy message board for help contacting school executives for a verbal lashing after her vegan son was mistakenly given non-vegan food at a campus dining hall.
Coddling college kids through Facebook is the latest outrageous dimension of the helicopter parenting trend.
It’s eerily similar to the heavy-handedness of folks who demand at-will access to their teenagers’ cell phones or moms who’ve bamboozled their tweens into believing that sleeping next to them in bed is cool.
But like Ali, helicopter parents who’ve recently become empty-nesters, have found solace in the social media spaces — which are typically manned by the mothers and fathers of students at an institution.
However, schools such as the University of San Francisco, Emerson College and the University of Wisconsin-Madison, have assumed the responsibility of administering their own parent Facebook groups.
It’s a revenue-boosting strategy aimed at increasing student enrollment and retention rates, per marketing agency Ellison Ellery. It also gives parents an outlet, keeping from pestering the college’s bigwigs with minor issues.
Mary, an Oregon mom whose daughter graduated from Syracuse University in 2022, said “over-the-top nuts” often flooded her parent Facebook group with trivial drivel.
“Once, a parent in one of these groups complained that the paths in winter time were not being cleared of snow,” she remembered. “This is Syracuse — it snows 100 inches every winter. Do they really expect the paths to be cleared 24/7?.”
Miami mom Amanda, who has two children in college, admitted that she’s become “obsessed” with the “insane” posts she encounters while scrolling.
“People will ask, ‘My kid is in X class. Does anyone know what the curve is going to be?’ Or ‘Has anyone’s kid taken calculus? Is it hard?,” she said, “‘Where should my kid get their hair cut?.’”
Amanda went on to reveal that one mom used the platform to seek advice on how her “Dear Daughter,” or “DD,” should ask her roommate for more refrigerator space.
“This is a kid you sent off to live on their own,” she quipped. “Could they ask an RA or do a Google search?”
Leaving your teen to fend for themselves may be just what the doctor ordered.
In fact, February 2023 research from the English Longitudinal Study of Aging found that children of helicopter parents tend to live shorter lives.
And Amy Chua, the original “Tiger mom” best known for brutishly berating her daughters into academic greatness, recently revealed that she’s lived to regret her harsh parenting style.
“I made a lot of mistakes and went to the brink,” said Chua in October.
“At a certain point… I thought: ‘Oh God, if I don’t change, [my daughter is] going to hate me forever, and I’m going to lose her,’ so I stepped back.”