After eight months of pregnancy (give or take), helping out Highlanders, and some casual time travel, Claire’s parents on Blood of My Blood are finally close to reuniting. But while Julia has something to look forward to, Ellen has something to very much dread. And no, it’s not just her wedding sheets with their wee hole.

Yes, poor Ellen is still engaged to Malcolm Grant despite already being handfast to Brian, so Mrs. Fitz is trying to give her advice on consummating her marriage. But their trousseau preparations are interrupted by Ellen’s brother Colum (not awkward at all). Colum’s anxious to set the date of his sister’s wedding.

Over with the Frasers, Julia’s doing everything in her power not to marry Lord Lovat. She has Brian secretly christen her baby William Henry Beauchamp before the reverend can. So both Jamie and Claire had brothers named William?? Cute! Or… could that possibly mean Claire’s brother William is Jamie’s brother William?! More wacky family things have happened on Outlander.

At the formal christening, it seems Simon’s lie on the day of William’s birth paid off since the two oh-so supportive gossips congratulate Mistress Porter on the marriage of Mistress Fraser of Lovat. So the world thinks that Julia and Lord Lovat are married. Could that mean maybe she’ll be spared actually marrying him? Davina ponders. That’s a wee bit hopeful, but it’s nice to see that these Fraser housemaids are buds now with Mistress Porter supporting Julia.

At Castle Leoch, Colum is spinning out because the Grants believe that the MacKenzies raided their cattle. (Though, Malcolm Grant was actually more suspicious of Murtagh, which could bring Henry closer to finding Julia?) Not only that, but Dougal is rubbing elbows with the Narines, who are Jacobites, while the Grants are loyal to the crown. All of this is bad news for Ellen’s marriage to Malcolm. Sure, Ellen doesn’t want to marry Malcolm, but she also doesn’t want to ruin her family if Dougal uses their money to pledge to the Jacobite cause. She sets off to the House of Narine to retrieve Dougal, reciting the MacKenzie clan motto and episode title: “Luceo Non Uro” (“I Shine Not Burn”).

Back to the baptism, poor Baby Beauchamp is christened as Simon Lovat in a Protestant church, which is all part of the Middle Aged Fox’s plan to have him be king since Catholics can’t be monarchs. (Not to be left out, Simon also drops the Fraser family motto in this episode to the disapproving Brian: “Je suis prest.”) Despite the turnout not being to Lord Lovat’s liking, Murtagh did show up — but less to celebrate the baby and more to punch Brian in the face for stealing his girl. Simon sends the feuding friends to a Jacobite meeting and Brian only goes because his dad threatens his mom if he doesn’t.

Ned Gowan goes to Henry Beauchamp to clear the MacKenzie clan’s name over the cattle raid. But the Grants have already discovered it was famous Jacobite (and real-life historical figure) Rob Roy MacGregor. Henry gives Ned a little warning that it’s far wiser for the MacKenzies to stay loyal to the crown than rebel. But, sadly, Outlander fans know how that’ll turn out for Dougal and his pals.

Ellen gets to the Nairn house and it just so happens to be the same Jacobite meeting Brian was sent to! Though she’s there to keep an eye on Dougal (who pledges the MacKenzies will fund the rebellion), Ellen also has time to make eyes with Brian.

With Julia dead (or so he thinks), Henry decides he’s getting the hell outta the past and back to his daughter Claire. He goes to Seema and gives her all his money to get back his St. Anthony’s necklace. But dummy that he is, he yet again gives away too much info telling the rejected Seema he’s headed to Craigh na Dun.

At the Jacobite meeting, Malcolm Grant rolls in to arrest Rob Roy, and Ellen has to spin the truth quickly about why she’s there (as she explains to Brian, she can’t have Malcolm call off the wedding, but his dad Isaac can). The meeting takes a turn when the British Redcoats don’t heed Malcolm’s request for him to handle the kine stealers (he really is a nice dude) and Brian shoots off his gun to give the Jacobites a chance to run away. In the resulting chaos, Dougal spots Ellen and Brian canoodling where Brian gets punched in the face for the second time this episode. Murtagh also chooses to flee with Dougal (who makes sure to get the MacKenzie money back) over Brian. Burn. 

Ellen’s secret romance is really not-so secret now as Mrs. Fitz discovers the Fraser tartan from her handfasting. But Mrs. Fitz assumes that Ellen has married her nephew Murtagh and promises to keep it a secret. That’s a relief for now, but unfortunately, worse things are in store for Ellen.

Henry heads to the stones but is intercepted by Mr. Bug who was tipped off by Seema. But rather than hurting Henry, Arch says Isaac Grant needs him to do a pressing job. And by god, is that job gross. Henry goes to Castle Leoch to demand a test of Ellen that, as Ned puts it, will “ascertain whther or not your virtue is intact.” Seems the rumors Simon planted have worked and they don’t believe Ellen is “pure.” Can someone please inform these 18th century men that the hymen proving virginity is a myth? Also, I guess Henry is desperate to survive so he can get home to Claire, but why in the hell is he agreeing to force Ellen into this?! Both the Blood of My Blood male leads need to do better since Brian also unwittingly had a hand in making this test ordered since Lord Lovat’s lackey Balloch had overheard Murtagh and Brian fighting over Ellen MacKenzie and told his evil dad.

Speaking of Brian’s evil dad, Simon makes Julia use a wet nurse (even though she asked him not to) and then forces her into a casual luncheon wedding while Brian is away. Simon bribes the reverend to forge the register to say Julia and him were married on November 17, 1714 while baby “Simon” was born on July 5, 1715. Lord Lovat is in truly vile form this episode since he then has Balloch kill the drunken reverend at the kirk, so no one will now the register was forged.

While Simon has the upperhand most episode, Julia’s special seasoning of chaste berry does spare her from consummating their marriage. (And led to a funny moment between Julia and hew new BFF Davina.) Though it’s still a horrific scene with Lord Lovat trying to get himself hard… and how I never needed to hear the line: “Maybe some more spice will wake the Old Fox from his hole.” But, on the plus side, while in Lord Lovat’s chambers as he sleeps, Julia has time to discover the letter Henry wrote to Lord Lovat about Ellen back in OBOMB Episode 4 (“A Soldier’s Heart”). She finally has proof her husband is back in time with her! A tearful Julia gives the letter a S.W.A.K.

Now, let the romantic reunion between Julia and Henry commence! Sure, the romance may be slightly diminished after everything these two have had to do to survive in the 1700s (and the impending test of Lady Ellen). But for now, take comfort that Claire’s parents seem poised to find each other in the past.

Caitlin Gallagher is a New Jersey-raised, NYC-based entertainment writer. When not writing about or watching TV, she can be found planning her next Halloween costume, crying over rescue animals, or praising Season 2 of The Leftovers.