Nicolas Cage loved old Lon Chaney films. Loves horror junk. Loves fake-o makeup and Dracula stuff.
Loves himself and Awkwafina in new flick “Renfield.”
Nic: “My favorite movies blend comedy with horror. As a teenager I saw ‘An American Werewolf in London.’ I laughed then screamed. I like being kept off-guard. ‘Renfield’ and its rage required four different Dracula looks.
“Time-intensive was ‘The Picasso Look.’ Dracula’s back from being burnt to a crisp and everything on his face is in the wrong place like a Picasso painting.”
Eight hours in a makeup chair he called “relaxing.” I call it annoying as hell.
This charming Easter film shows a tortured aide, a narcissistic boss and a lunatic asylum. Considering our world’s aggravations, I can’t think of a sweeter gift to us this holiday.
ANOTHER holiday release beauty:
War thriller “The Covenant.” Jake Gyllenhaal, Army sergeant tracking Taliban, back in Afghanistan to rescue interpreter who saved his life.
Gyllenhaal: “Two men, different backgrounds, doing the right thing. Deployed numerous times, under threat, dangerous, struggling to find munition sites. Interpreter helper now in peril. Nothing’s Jake. Taliban after him.” Sweet.
Guy Ritchie’s name is in the title. It’s “Guy Ritchie’s The Covenant.”
More holiday happiness:
Comes now rare “Air.” Ben Affleck directing and starring as Nike boss says: “I wanted something that inspires people like Michael Jordan does, who’s not in this because he’s too iconic.” (ICONIC. Everybody uses the word iconic.) “When you’re that iconic there’s only one of you in the world.”
Matt Damon plays another Nike exec. Viola Davis plays Jordan’s mom. Jason Bateman plays someone with Nike and says: “I dork out over stuff like this.” (Check Webster for meaning of “dork.”)
SOMEONE devouring the Internet sent these signs of a Republican Passover seder:
- Don’t answer the four questions without a subpoena.
- Demand a recount of the 10 plagues.
- Against minimum wage increase, since only cost two zuzim to buy a goat.
- The afikomen is hidden in the Cayman Islands.
- No opening the door for Elijah until he shows his immigration papers.
- Attack Moses for dealing with Pharaoh. We don’t negotiate with enemies.
- Don’t understand why Egyptians didn’t cure plagues with hydroxychloroquine.
- Omit slavery parts because of the Critical Race Theory.
- Repeat “When do we get to the miracle of the Jewish space lasers?”
- End seder by singing “Next year in Mar-a-Lago.”
EASTER. A holiday. Gratitude. Feasts. Flowers. Thanks.
That’s despite the horror of what’s happening to Donald, our country and our so-called leadership, which has now turned into the dictatorship tyranny of Syria, Iraq, Cuba, North Korea.
Bully Bragg, desperate for attention — only in New York, kids, only in New York.