The Serby Crystal Ball is back from the shop programmed with artificial intelligence just in time for a foolproof look at the NFL playoffs:
Saturday, 4:30 p.m., NBC
Browns 27, Texans 17: John Fanta the Fan is Wacko For Flacco but stresses that since Amari Cooper won’t approach 265 receiving yards this time. Myles Garrett will win his matchup with Laremy Tunsil and Defense Wins Championships and all that, although he has great respect for C.J. Stroud and fears him more than Davis Mills, the 36-22 loser last month.
Saturday, 8 p.m., Peacock
Chiefs 31, Dolphins 24: Patrick Mahomes catches a break with Miami’s two best pass rushers out of service. Travis Kelce catches passes, Taylor Swift cheers. No revenge in the bitter cold for Tyreek Hill.
Sunday, 1 p.m., CBS
Bills 30, Steelers 14: Josh Allen is peaking at the right time, and Mason Rudolph is not. The Bills Mafia is peaking at the right time, and George Pickens is not. T.J. Watt will be missed.
Sunday, 4:30 p.m., Fox
Cowboys 31, Packers 23: Forecast calls for 39 degrees and no ice — and the game isn’t at Lambeau, so there goes that storyline. Mike McCarthy versus his old Titletown team will have to do. Jordan Love isn’t rattled, but Micah Parsons finds a way to dominate in the fourth quarter. And this is Dak Prescott’s moment. CeeDee Lamb almost overcame Aaron Rodgers last November, and good luck to Pack corner Jaire Alexander.
Sunday, 8 p.m., NBC
Rams 34, Lions 28 (OT): Matthew Stafford is less affected by facing his former team than Jared Goff is facing his, and Sean McVay knows everything there is to know about what makes him tick. Will rookie Sam LaPorta (knee) be effective if he can play? Will Dan Skipper be an eligible receiver? Puka Nacua catches the OT winner and leaves the Ford Field crowd shell-shocked.
Monday, 8:15 p.m., ABC/ESPN
Eagles 24, Buccaneers 20: Todd Bowles has success blitzing Jalen Hurts (dislocated middle finger) but the proud defending NFC champs stop their stunning collapse that has the local media in a feeding frenzy. No place like road.
Ravens 26, Browns 17: Baltimore used to be Wacko for Flacco before Fanta the Fan was — until the Lamar Jackson Era began. Justin Madubuike, Jadeveon Clowney, Kyle Van Noy and Odafe Oweh are Sacko For Flacco, and Odell Beckham Jr. torments the city he was exiled to by Dave Gettleman.
Chiefs 27, Bills 24: Another Mahomes versus Allen showstopper. Andy Reid is a profile in courage after overindulging on the Bar Bill Tavern honey butter BBQ wings delivered to the team hotel. Much to Taylor Swift’s dismay, Dalton Kincaid is the best tight end on the field, but all’s well that ends well when Kadarius Toney lines up onside when Kelce catches the game-winner for the road warriors.
49ers 35, Rams 21: The Niners are rested, and haven’t forgotten their 20-17 loss in the 2021 NFC Championship game when Cooper Kupp (11-142-2 TDs) ran amok. Kyle Shanahan has Brock Purdy and Christian McCaffrey for this one, and Fred Warner doesn’t let Kyren Williams out of his sight.
Cowboys 37, Eagles 24: DaRon Bland’s sixth and seventh pick-six of the season hands the visitors their sixth straight loss at AT&T Stadium as well-mannered Eagles fans who made the trip politely raise a toast to Jerry Jones.
Ravens 34, Chiefs 27: Much to Taylor Swift’s chagrin, Isaiah Likely is the best tight end on the field and Roquan Smith bottling up Isiah Pacheco makes Mahomes one-dimensional, and Marquez Valdes-Scantling drops a no-look pass and a behind-the-back TD pass to Kelce is nullified when Toney lines up offside. “Who’s got it better than me? Nooobody!” John Harbaugh exults.
49ers 31, Cowboys 30: Once upon a time it was “The Catch,” Joe Montana-to-Dwight Clark. This time it is Purdy-to-George Kittle that leaves a devastated Jerry Jones deprived of his first Super Bowl berth since Super Bowl XXX.
49ers 27, Ravens 26: A rematch of the Blackout Bowl and yes, that’s Colin Kaepernick out for the coin toss with 49ers players. This was the Crystal Ball’s preseason pick and it does not change. In a fourth-quarter huddle, Purdy gazes up into the stands and asks: “Isn’t that Aaron Rodgers and Jimmy Kimmel?”
Big players make big plays in big games and Nick Bosa, McCaffrey, Deebo Samuel and Brandon Aiyuk keep pace with Lamar and Justin Tucker, until rookie Jake Moody wins it with a 49-yard field goal as time expires.