It’s divorce, done differently.
An unusual trend has emerged among separating parents eager to protect their offspring from the devastating effects of divorce.
After many splits, the family home is sold, leading to upheaval for children forced to shuttle between two new places.
But in a “birdnesting divorce,” the home stays in the family, with the separated parents staying at the residence on a rotating basis.
The unconventional arrangement provides kids with a sense of stability and continuity, according to experts and couples who are squawking about its benefits.
A 2014 paper published by the American College of Pediatricians stated that divorce has been shown to “diminish a child’s future competence in all areas of life, including family relationships, education, emotional well-being, and future earning power.”
However, a birdnesting divorce might avoid or diminish these adverse effects — and for many families, it also makes financial sense.
In a Business Insider essay this week, Cordelia Newlin said that her birdnesting divorce was “a logical solution that saved me money.
“When my husband and I realized our marriage was over a few years ago, we were racked with guilt over how it would affect our two girls,” the mom explained, noting that her daughters were 7 and 9 at the time.
Newlin and her ex, having decided to split custody 50/50, “knew nesting was the answer.
“The girls’ father rented a small place nearby, while I chose to live with my mother when I wasn’t with the kids,” the divorcee wrote. “While some things about my living situation weren’t ideal, it was financially realistic.”
According to NYC lawyer Sherri Sharma, some divorcing couples choose to rent a separate apartment together and rotate between the family home and that smaller space, saving cash.
“Usually the parents have a studio apartment they share and rotate, and then keep the marital home where the children stay put,” she told NBC. “The way I’ve seen nesting done is not people having three homes, as most people, even quite wealthy clients, don’t find that feasible.”
While Sharma spoke about birdnesting divorce in 2018, the arrangement has grown in popularity in the past five years, per the Guardian.
“While a lot of people do it for consistency for the children in the early stages of separation, I think that it is now becoming necessary for a lot of families due to rising mortgage and rent costs,” one lawyer told the outlet in July, saying inflation was responsible for the surge.
Sharma told NBC that most nesting scenarios are temporary, but Newlin says she and her ex-spouse have been practicing the arrangement for almost two years — to great benefit for their kids.
“As we approach our two-year nesting anniversary, we’ve learned that communication is key to making it work,” she wrote for Business Insider, admitting that she and her ex-hubby have had to devise chore schedules and “set expectations regarding our kids’ help around the house.”
And while the situation can sometimes be “contentious,” the mom believes it’s worth it so her children don’t have to live in a near-constant state of movement.
“Nesting meant they [the daughters] would always feel at home,” Newlin declared.
“It entails a lot of planning and discussion, flexibility, communication and a willingness to embrace empathy and compromise,” she added. “But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”