A bridesmaid has been told she needs to dye her hair in order to be part of her friend’s bridal party. 

The woman, u/bleachdyeproblem, vented about the request on an advice forum and asked people whether or not she was in the wrong for refusing to comply. 

“I am meant to be in the bridal party of my friend Zoe’s wedding in December 2024,” she began. 

The bridesmaid shared how Zoe’s hair dyeing request was in line with the “winter wonderland” theme she was going for on the day. 

“At first, her requests were reasonable,” she continued, explaining that Zoe wanted them all to wear blue dresses, snowflake jewellery, soft makeup and blue contact lenses for the bridesmaids without blue eyes. 

The bridesmaid shared that she thought the last one was “a bit weird” but “not a big deal.”

It wasn’t until Zoe outlined her plan for the bridesmaid’s hair that she felt that she crossed a line. 

“She requested we all get our hair dyed so we were all blonde,” she explained.

“I’m brunette and have never dyed or bleached my hair. I have really damaged hair from heat styling it almost every single day, so my hair is thin and I just don’t feel comfortable taking the risk,” she continued. 

After telling Zoe that she wouldn’t be able to go ahead with dying her hair, Zoe insisted that “it would be fine, as my hair looked quite healthy.”

She also reiterated that she would be paying for the service, but that was beside the point for the OP. 

“I said no, thanks so much, but I can’t,” she explained. 

She then tried to compromise, suggesting she could just wear a wig, but Zoe said that would look “cheap and unnatural” and she wanted them all to have real bleached hair instead of “some cheap imitation.”

The bridesmaid continued, “After more back and forth, she told me I should go home and think about the fact that I’m ruining her vision and that I’d be ruining the photos and wedding video that she and her fiancé will be putting together for his grandparents to view, since they won’t be able to fly in from Argentina.”

She then asked users: “I really don’t want to dye my hair, but I also don’t want to ruin Zoe’s picture-perfect day. I don’t think I’m being difficult or wrong here, but am I?”

Here’s what commenters said.

“Not the a–hole. I would’ve backed out on the demand to wear contacts. Trying to force others to bleach their hair for a wedding? Absurd. Just back out now, it’s not worth being part of this crazy Elsa-themed wedding. She’s only going to get worse. Run,” one user wrote.

And another pointed out, “There’s having a theme and then there’s expecting people to chemically alter their appearance. I think the real theme of her wedding is CRAZYTOWN.”

Then this user pointed out issues with logistics and potential outcomes of bleaching your hair. 

“It takes a talented, experienced, and often expensive colourist to do blonde well. And because you’ve never colour-treated your hair before, working with a top-notch colourist is that much more important. You simply don’t know how your hair will respond to bleach. How will your colour pull? What happens if something goes awry like you didn’t realise your hair has a lot of red in it and you end up orange – who’s paying for the second appointment to get it right? And then what are you supposed to do after the wedding? Who’s paying to get your hair back to normal?”

That user then added, “The bride is far more concerned with her (extremely strange) vision than she is with honouring her friendships with actual human women.”

Then this member made this very valid point.

“She’s worried about a wig looking unnatural? Making someone with a darker complexion, with dark hair and dark eyes, into a blue-eyed blonde is going to look really unnatural.”

“A wedding is not just a ‘perfect day’ for the couple getting married. It’s also a social event, where the couple are the hosts, and the guests are, well, guests, and need to be welcomed and comfortable.”

“It’s clear that your ‘friend’ doesn’t want you, a dark-eyed dark-haired person, in her wedding.”

“She wants cookie-cutter Barbie dolls.”

“She can line up some blue-eyed blonde blow-up dolls to get a wedding party that looks identical, or she can welcome her friends to her bridal party as the diverse group of people that they are.”