“Having listened to thousands of predictions, I have concluded that 99 percent of them are based on hopes, dreams and wishful thinking.”

— Rich Siegelman

“Stitch, have you considered sprinkling chicken blood on pictures of Elvis? Frankly, I don’t think you have any other options.”

— Rob Mittelholtz.

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am stuck in the middle … and screwed.

Before Friday’s win, we had dropped two in a row after winning six straight.

Looking through the junk pile, we find Janson Junk is starting for Miami on Saturday.

Junk has given up three runs in each of his last three starts, going 1-0 in the span.

The Jays take their talents to South Beach.

Texas toasted José Berríos for six runs on 10 hits (two homers) over 4 ¹/₃ frames.

Play $50 on Junk and the Fish.

Easy money!

Braxton Ashcraft tossed a one-hitter.

The Pirates danced a tarantella around Antonio Senzatela (five runs), and the Bucs won 9-0.

Down -801 candelarias.

The one and only Stitches has been handicapping baseball, daily, for the Post since 2019. Miraculously, he has finished in the black twice. But wait there’s more. He showed his versatility by winning the Post’s NFL Best Bet crown last year.