Michael Tucker. “LA Law” awardee, Jill Eikenberry wife of 50 years, playwright whose newie — trying out in Long Branch, NJ’s Repertory Company — is called “A Tailor Near Me.” Richard Kind’s in it.
“From years acting I can actually hear the characters. I play them while writing. Listen to their voices. They tell me their story. My oddities are pot of coffee. Two crossword puzzles. Then my brain wakes up. In a shower I think of a line, then run out dripping wet to make a note.
“After it opens I don’t correct the actors anymore. I talk to the director. Over three weeks’ rehearsal I’ve talked enough to the actors. Now they must take the play to the audience.
“Listen, I know you do crossword puzzles, too. You ever cheat?”
Me: “Sometimes.”
Michael: “Yeah, I’ve heard that about you.”
HOT weather news. Alcohol site VinePair.com, whose info’s supposedly based on consumption figures, rates Milwaukee “drunkest city in America.” New Orleans No. 2. Memphis, 50. Big Apple sloshed in at No. 30. Our state’s booziest? Buffalo — home of our gov. Cheers.
MORE hot weather news. This from Michael Keaton: “Vanilla works for mosquito repellent. Afterward you can lick your arms as a late-night snack.”
Keaton possibly stopped off first in Milwaukee before issuing this bulletin.
NOW, about that White House creature known for his bite: Not Joe. The other bad mouth family member — Commander. Animal behaviorists say highly specifically trained police dogs react strongly when they pick up the scent of bad stuff. Like maybe cocaine.
Not pointing fingers. Just reporting what I know.
MAYBE it’s not just those of us today who are nuts. Maybe in every era of civilization people went off:
Howard Hughes. Mental illness in his 30s. Thanksgiving Day 1966 he moved into Vegas’ Desert Inn. When they tried to evict him, he bought the hotel.
Poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning. Renowned for her ode to later husband Robert: “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.” For years she never went out — until Robert began to write her. They eloped a year later.
Brian Wilson. The Beach Boys arranger wrote “In My Room,” fought mental illness, drug addiction and retreated to his home for nearly three decades. Then he returned to the studio.
J. D. Salinger. “The Catcher in the Rye” was released in 1951. Its negative and positive attention drove him into retreat. After reaching such success he just walked off the stage.
QUESTION: With all that money, why’s Mrs. Biden wear such lousy clothes?
Question No. 2: And with all that money, why’s the fuzz not sniffing around Delaware?
And why’s that question not asked even though it should be — if only in New York, kids, only in New York.