If you were a conspiracy theorist, you could have a field day with all of this. Jim Garrison? He’d do a deep dive on this, for sure. In a time when baseball is cracking down on pitchers who use sticky substances of any kind, there have, thus far in 2023, been five pitchers in either MLB or Triple-A to be ejected for, in umpires’ estimation, going too far.

One of them is Domingo German, who pitches for the Yankees.

The other four are all in the employ of the Mets. There is Max Scherzer, famously ejected from the middle of a game in Los Angeles on April 19. There is Syracuse Met Dylan Bundy, who on May 17 was tossed in the third inning of a game against the Norfolk Tides. A day later, Syracuse’s Eric Orze was thrown out before he ever threw a pitch against the Tides.

And Tuesday, during the seventh inning of the Mets’ 7-6 loss to the Yankees at Citi Field in the first of four Subway Series games this season, Drew Smith was thrown out of the game before he ever threw a pitch — and has been suspended 10 games for using sticky substances.

Now, the most obvious and fair conclusion to draw from all of this is a simple one that’s pretty damning for the Mets: whatever they’re doing, however they’re doing it, however they’re trying to police how to stay within the rules, needs to change.

“It makes you start thinking that you want to make sure you aren’t doing more than is allowed,” Mets manager Buck Showalter said Wednesday, a few hours before the Mets and Yankees concluded the Citi Field portion of their annual intramural battle.

But Showalter also couldn’t resist saying this:

“I don’t believe in conspiracy theories. But I can do the math.”

Ah, but what if he did believe in conspiracy theories? What if, instead of a second shooter, or a magic bullet, there really was something other than statistical oddities and anomalies at play with the Mets drawing the preponderance of baseball’s frontier justice as it applies to sticky stuff?

What if — just thinking out loud here — the umpires’ extra interest in the Mets has something to do with the night of Oct. 9, when in the middle of throwing a huge, big-game gem at the Mets — seven innings, one hit, one walk, zero runs — Joe Musgrove found himself being extensively searched by the six-man umpiring crew in the sixth inning of a 4-0 game the Padres would win 6-0, wrapping up their miniseries against the Mets?

In a season in which Showalter pushed every right button and every proper lever, it wasn’t exactly Showalter’s finest hour. This may not have been his intention but it came across as desperate and more than a trace graceless. He was roundly and rightly hammered for that in the moment.

Now, would that be enough to explain … the other stuff? Musgrove was really the only one who was embarrassed by this, and he hasn’t had a chance to exact whatever revenge he may be plotting because he didn’t pitch the first time the Mets and the Padres played in April. The umpires? They were just doing as requested, and it was well within the rules. Baseball? As they say elsewhere in sports: ball don’t lie. The Padres won the game and did so by humiliating the Mets. Things played out as they probably should have, karmically.

Still. The beauty of conspiracy theories is that no matter how many holes you shoot through them, you can prop ’em up if you want to. I prefaced my question about this to Showalter with enough couches to fill a mancave: “You’ll probably say this is ridiculous, but …” was one, “I don’t want you to paint yourself as paranoid, but …”

He chose not to use either word.

What he said was: “The only thing I regret is not [checking Musgrove] earlier. It was obvious what was going on.”

Is there a contract out on the Mets? That’s pretty hard to believe. But it is fun to think about. And even if you don’t believe in conspiracy theories … well you, too, can do the math.