It’s Tonys time. Nothing even more exciting than news that Alcatraz is — maybe — reopening. Question being, what’s tougher to exist through.

Understand, Shakespeare is up for an award. Again. We are not talking Neil Simon, Anton Chekhov, Tom Stoppard, Tennessee Williams. “Romeo + Juliet.” Ever hear of it? Willy left us in 1616 but he’s still selling seats with Denzel Washington and Jake Gyllenhaal. Ticket? Almost $1,000 a behind. And our Fifth Avenue library could, if you asked, bring you a covered in paper, plastic and cellophane original last remaining manuscript to stare at. One of Shakespeare’s last remaining original scripts. Not from his phone. Written in his hand.

Also up for a Tony? “Gypsy.” A musical we haven’t re-seen in weeks. Or seldom-seen “Glengarry Glen Ross”? Or the interminable “Sunset Blvd.,” which now is as done as the Tony producers. Or “Our Town,” a document first produced back when Biden could locate the men’s room.

Some senior ladies — having seen “Sunset Blvd.” in days when it was just a dead end and are now sitting fourth from the aisle — always have to go during Act 1. So I’ll save them a dribble.

Big winner will be “Oh, Mary!” A quickie. Opened last year. Only runs one hour, 20 minutes. The author/star/creator and anything else is a heretofore unknown unheard of unstarred Cole Escola. In wig and hoopskirt Cole wrote this, created this, staged this and plays the boozed up Mary Lincoln, President Abraham Lincoln’s wife. They will win everything.

Before this Tony production comes the offscreen/off TV/off off off extras and semi-stars who pre-interview the invitees. Their hair’s woven, teased, sprayed and shellacked even under the arms. Dresses so tight you can see what they swallowed yesterday. And their interview questions? “So who are you wearing?”

Then, following this special performance and endless stage show, comes the interminable cocktail party, which the real Mrs. Shakespeare catered and is still going on. Food is dry, cold sandwiches. Plus a maniacal need to find your car, which is parked on Queens Boulevard to avoid a ticket.

So enjoy whatever the Tonys are. Just don’t wake me.

A mazel tov to us. The intern who became an editor and edited my column for many years — name’s Rachael Lipton — quit to become a lawyer. She’s been through law school, clerked for VIP judges, passed the bar, she’s now a full-fledged attorney and is clerking for NY State Supreme Court Judge Lumarie Maldonado-Cruz and we thank our friend Randi Weingarten for her help.

Bulletin: Our students are running on empty. Time for a wake-up call. Clinical hypnotist and sleep specialist Jeffrey Rose — who backs his friend Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the Health and Human Services Secretary in President Trump’s cabinet — says: “Teenagers 13 to 17 need 8 to 10 hours sleep but 77% don’t get it. Our future engineers, doctors and leaders are barely functioning in class. Students running on fumes cannot learn. I’m going to advocate for later school start times.”

So this new secretary was asked if she could take dictation. She replied: “Yes. She believes in democracy.”

OY! Only need more sleep in New York, kids, only in New York.