Peter Farrelly may have won the Oscar for Best Picture in 2019, but the Green Book director has returned to his roots with the new Amazon comedy Ricky Stanicky, which began streaming today. And by “roots,” I mean dick jokes.
If you can’t handle cringe-worthy cracks about ejaculation, you may want to skip this one, because Ricky Stanicky wears its raunchiness with pride. That’s particularly true when it comes to the movie’s best joke: John Cena dressed as various rock stars, singing parody songs chock-full of as many reference to masturbation as humanly possible. Or, as Cena’s character calls them, “jizz jams.”
Cena’s character is an “X-rated rock impersonator” named Rod. He’ll soon come to embody Ricky Stanicky, an imaginary friend invented by Zac Efron and his on-screen buddies (Jermaine Fowler and Andrew Santino) to get them out of trouble. When the boys get cornered by their significant others to introduce their good friend Ricky, they decide to hire the eccentric, washed-up, raunchy actor they met in Atlantic City. But you can’t just introduce a character as an X-rated rock impersonator without showing the audience some of those X-rated impersonations. And that’s exactly what Farrelly does.
In a quick montage of Rod’s act, we get his take on a variety of rock and pop singers, starting with the ’80s new wave band, Whip It. Dressed in the signature red “energy dome” hat from the music video, Rod offers his own take on the lyrics to the band’s 1980 hit, “Whip It.”
“Grab that stick!” Cena shouts, in a convincing imitation of Mark Mothersbaugh’s cartoonish voice. “Load your hand with spit! Lay down on your back! Now it’s time to whack! When a boner comes along, you must grip it, to make the cream come out your dong, just unzip it.”
It gets, if you’ll believe it, worse from there. In a parody that is, regrettably, now forever burned into my brain, Cena dons a long-haired wig, heavy eyeliner, and a top hat for a raunchy rendition of “School’s Out” by Alice Cooper: “Splooooooge out my penis! Sploooooooge on my tummy!”
Ugh. I like that song, Cena! Now I’ll never be able to hear it again without hearing the lyrics “splooge on my tummy!” What terrible curse is this?!
And on and on it goes. For “White Wedding” by Billy Idol: “It’s a nice day for some wood whacking. It’s a nice day to jizz agaaaaaain!” For “Baby, I Love Your Way” by Peter Frampton: “Oooo, baby, I masturbate, every day. Wanna tell you I masturbate, every way. I beat my meat night and day.” And though we don’t get to see the performance, after his set Cena is found wearing Britney Spears’ costume from the iconic “Baby One More Time” music video. (Farrelly, release the Britney cut. I know you have it!)
Look, as much as I hate to admit it, some of those crass lyrics are pretty funny. It’s not clear who should get both the kudos and the blame for these jizz jams. A whopping six men—Farrelly, Jeff Bushell, Brian Jarvis, James Lee Freeman, Pete Jones, and Mike Cerrone—have been granted “written by” credits on the film. I just hope that whichever man wrote the “splooge on my tummy” line knows he’s ruined Alice Cooper for me. Thanks a lot!