Most folks who grew up in the 1960s, ’70s and ’80s were forced to abide by the cardinal rule: When the street lights come on, it’s time to come home.
Unlike the more recent wave of overbearing helicopter parents — who micromanage everything from ensuring that their 4-year-old boasts a stellar academic résumé before enrolling in preschool to scheduling “play dates” for their college-bound teen — mothers and fathers of yore traditionally were happily hands-off.
That laissez-faire parenting style allowed kids to be independent, free-thinking and creative — all boons to moms like A-lister Jennifer Garner, 51, who’ve adopted the unfussy philosophy under its buzzy, new and somewhat alarming moniker: “benign neglect.”
“Their lives are their own,” said the actress on “Today” of her brood with ex Ben Affleck: Violet, 17, Seraphina, 14, and Samuel, 11.
“I just think they’re such cool people, and I want to hear everything, and I want to be around,” Garner continued. “But I’m not trying to live their life, and I don’t mind that they see that I love mine.
“It’s OK if they suffer from a little bit of benign neglect,” said the “13 Going on 30” star.
Detractors online immediately bristled at the trendy term, which has amassed more than 1.6 million views under its eponymous TikTok hashtag, chastising Garner for “failing” at motherhood via her easygoing approach.
But NYU Langone Health child psychologist Yamalis Diaz told The Post that the relaxed parenting style, much like several recently revived fashion trends of old, is simply having its second act.
“The benign neglect movement seems to be a backswing from helicopter parenting, which encouraged coddling millennials and Gen Zs throughout childhood,” she explained — adding that the tyrannical tactic largely made kids of the ’90s and 2000s more fragile, entitled and codependent.
“The resurgence of traditional parenting can teach the next generation of children how to develop problem-solving skills,” said Diaz. “That grit, resilience, tenacity and creativity that most Gen X and baby boomers have because that’s how they were raised.”
Northern New Jersey mom-of-one Steph Auteri said she swears by benign neglect, too.
In fact, Auteri said the unobtrusive method not only offers her 9-year-old daughter unbridled autonomy, it also grants her space to freely pursue interests outside of parenthood.
“My life revolves around my child,” Auteri, 43, told The Post, “but it’s important for me to continue honoring all parts of my identity beyond just being a mom.”
Auteri, an author, has practiced benign neglect since her now-fourth grader was a newborn — taking weekend-long trips out of town with writing groups, joining local choirs and hitting the mat in biweekly yoga classes — and has openly lauded the parenting “hack” as a lifesaver.
“In being ignored, [my daughter’s] creativity explodes,” she penned in a 2021 essay, noting that the tot enjoys drawing, reading and sewing together her own stuffed animals while in solitude.
“And I get to be creative, too,” wrote Auteri. “I [have] found that the best way to maintain a sense of self that contained dimension and layers was to walk away from her.”
But psychotherapist Joe Kort, who regularly preaches the ills of the trend to a TikTok congregation of nearly 670,000, told The Post that making a habit of ignoring kids can result in lifelong damages.
“In the world of psychology, the term ‘benign neglect’ has always been viewed as negative,” said Detroit, Michigan-based Kort.
“It happens when a parent strictly provides food, shelter and clothing, but emotionally, the child is left to figure out how to self-regulate, self-soothe and be in their own company,” he noted. “They become starved for affection.”
Kort conceded that intermittently granting kids a little space for free play and decision-making can benefit both mother and child, offering each the opportunity to develop their individual strengths. However, he warned that children of overly nonchalant parents are likely to make poor choices as adults.
“That kid may have bad relationships, he or she may be more easily drawn to narcissists who force them to be attuned to their needs without that ever being reciprocated,” said Kort. “It could be a real problem.”
But Auteri insists that “neglect” is just her tongue-in-cheek way of saying that her kid is all right without consistent parental interaction.
“I’m constantly in awe of how creative and capable she is,” said the proud mom. “I’ll close my office door to get some work done for a few hours, and when I emerge she’s written and illustrated a book or made an entire costume out of paper.
“She doesn’t require my presence or participation to have fun,” Auteri raved, “and I think that’s really good for the both of us.”