A Los Angeles relationship therapist is sharing five tips for telling a partner about a secret fetish.
A fetish is a “form of sexual desire that’s linked to a particular object, activity, or body part other than the sexual organs,” “MAN*ifesting” author Jaime Bronstein told the Daily Mail in an interview published Saturday.
A 2018 survey found one in three Americans admit to having a specific kink or fetish.
Instead of being ashamed of a predilection, Bronstein recommends opening up to a partner about the fantasy — the honesty could lead to more spice in the bedroom and a deeper connection.
Bronstein, who posts on TikTok as @therelationshipexpert, advises relaxing before the big reveal, explaining that appearing nervous when approaching the conversation can make the fetish seem taboo.
“Whether your partner is on board or not, you will feel relieved that you shared what was on your mind, which is always a plus in a relationship,” she notes.
“At the beginning of the conversation, express that you will be sharing something you’ve been weary of sharing, and ask them to please not judge you and continue to love you unconditionally,” she proposes.
“If you are going to share your fetish and put yourself in a vulnerable position, you need to trust that if your partner loves you, they will not judge you.”
“Start by expressing how much you love your partner and your relationship and that you thought it would be fun to mix it up in the bedroom, and then share your fetish and see what they say,” Bronstein suggests.
“You might be pleasantly surprised by their reaction. Then ask your partner if they have any fetishes. You may feel more connected and less alone [afterwards].”
“Explain that although it might sound weird to your partner, it’s not just you that has this fetish,” she counsels.
“Request that your partner still loves and respects you regardless of your fetish. And [point out] that you only told them because you trust them.”
“If you bring humor to the conversation, it can lighten up the situation,” Bronstein adds.
“For example, you could share your fetish and then say, ‘Just kidding.’ That way, you plant the seed, laugh about it, and then reveal that you were serious.”
“Let your partner know that if they don’t want to appease you by participating in your fetish, it’s OK,” she concludes.
“Explain that you at least wanted to share it with them, so that you wouldn’t feel like you had any secrets.”