The concept of ‘gifted students’ is often a controversial one for parents, usually because many of them feel their children are more gifted than the system recognizes.

But one dad this week has shared with his daughter – and the internet – that he doesn’t feel she’s gifted at all; and doesn’t belong in the gifted program she’s in.

Looking for validation, the father took to Reddit to ask whether he’d been harsh with his ‘honesty.’

“My wife and I both have electrical engineering degrees, but I no longer work in the field and am a manager,” he began.

“We have a daughter (15) and a son (17) and both will be headed to university next month. My son is doing a BA and has not yet picked his major and my daughter will be studying physics and computer science.

“My son is also very smart and is a history and language nerd. My daughter is smart and hardworking and is attending at an earlier age than usual. She was in a school program for gifted kids.”

That sounds pretty impressive by any standards – but not according to the dad.

“We were having a conversation at dinner the other day and my wife mentioned how proud she was of our daughter and how lucky we were to have gifted children going to good university programs and how not many people can do what our daughter did.”

The dad felt the need to express that he didn’t agree.

“I was also very happy, but I said that while (daughter) is really hardworking and smart, I would not say that she is actually gifted, and others can do it if they put in the same amount of work.

“Her school does a lot to try to admit girls into her program, and my wife helped teach her advanced college-level math and physics from an earlier age. She didn’t naturally pick it up on her own.

“If anything, being a younger applicant with the same credentials probably helped her stand out more for the admissions committee.”

The man attempted to qualify his opinion by claiming he was concerned about the person his daughter could become.

“I have seen how people can ruin their lives over thinking they are ‘gifted’ and it going to their head, so I just wanted to caution her about that.

“Both my wife and daughter are upset at me now, my wife thinks I was trying to put her down which is not true, and says she is gifted, while my daughter actually agrees with me but says I should not have said it as she already knows.

“AITA here? It might not come across in the post, but I am genuinely proud and happy for my kids, and beyond what I described here, there was a lot of complimenting and celebration on my part.”

The post attracted a massive 4,000 comments – mostly from people outraged by the dad’s actions and attitude.

“Putting your daughter down served no positive purpose. Discouraging a young teen like that can have serious detrimental effects. She is gifted. Not every 15-year-old can go to a university to study physics. Not only is she gifted academically, but she is also gifted with drive and determination. Not everyone has that,” read one of the more reasonable comments.

But this person was scathing: “Did it feel good to say that about your daughter? Does it feel good to let her know that she is not as smart or unique as other people, that like you, she is just average? Does it feel good to correct your wife about her views regarding said daughter, and making her feel bad about her opinion?

“It must really damage your pride to have two exceptional women achieving more than you.”

Another took exception to the dad’s criticism that her skills didn’t come naturally to her, writing, “Just because she needed someone to teach it to her doesn’t make it any less impressive. When I was 15, no matter how hard I tried I was barely passing pre-algebra.”

And this person simply observed: “She’s attending university at an earlier age than the son, but she’s the one who’s not gifted? Weird and perhaps sexist ‘logic’.”

Others also noticed the double standard the dad applied to his daughter.

“Did you also say that your son was just a hard worker and not gifted, or just shit on the girl?” one asked.

Finally, there was this comment that summed up the issue about the dad’s communication:

“I can understand this motivation: ‘I have seen how people can ruin their lives over thinking they are ‘gifted’ and it going to their head, so I just wanted to caution her about that.’

“But the right way to express it wasn’t to disagree with your wife saying that your daughter is gifted, you could have just added ‘And don’t forget the amount of work she put in, well done for the incredible dedication.’

“Saying she is not gifted sounds like you are saying she is innately unintelligent; if you focused just on praising the action you could get across a similar point.”