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NY Post
New York Post
24 Feb 2024

NextImg:Husband shocked to discover his stay-at-home wife feels he’s not pulling his weight

A husband’s social media post has gone viral for summarizing — in 2024 — an age-old couple’s challenge: Is the guy pulling his weight around the house?

The post on Reddit has grabbed over 2,300 reactions and 1,400 comments in less than 24 hours.

A husband, 36, said he and his wife, 38, have been married for eight years. They have two kids, ages 7 and 5.

“She is a stay-at-home mom,” he wrote, “in charge of all the housework and childrearing while I work and cover us financially.”

He added a caveat right away, adding, “Before you start attacking me, hear me out.”

He said the couple “ran into a bit of bad luck with debt a few years ago,” and as a result, he said he works about 50-60 hours a week “to help us get out of it.”

The man, who didn’t share his location but called himself “ThrowRA_boiyy,” said he’s a carpenter “so the days are long, and sometimes I drive quite a bit to get to the work sites. By the time I get home, I am exhausted and pretty much eat, then collapse into bed.”

He described the family’s weekend routines, noting he takes his son and daughter to soccer games, then is “back home for lunch, while my wife goes to [her] book club [meetings, has] lunch with her friends, then usually [does] some sort of hike or yoga class. She is back by midafternoon, at which point she takes back over the kids.”

The husband said he makes dinner on Saturday nights and “maybe [does] a bit of laundry and cleans the floors.”

Stressed out mom with kids
A man was shocked to find his stay at home wife was overwhelmed. Getty Images/iStockphoto

On Sunday, “it is reversed. I go out with my mates. By mid-afternoon, I return, we have our babysitter come around and we spend the night together.”

He said he’s read a lot on social media “about men not doing enough at home — but I never thought I was one of those guys.”

Yet, recently, he wrote, his wife came to him “saying that I need to start doing more around the house. That I need to do more cleaning, organizing, looking after the kids, grocery shopping, cooking.”

He added, “I know that she does a lot, and I am in no way saying she doesn’t deserve a break, but I am working really hard, too. Especially at the moment. I feel like I do the best I can with how much work I’m doing.

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“I explained this to her and she said I was being ridiculous. That I spend all day having fun at work with my workmates, while she deals with the children and all of the house chores. Then I get home and just eat and go to bed. This isn’t the plan forever — but I thought it was going all right for now.”

He invited others to weigh in on the situation. Fox News Digital attempted to reach the original poster for further comments. 

In an edit to his post, the man added afterward, “I take care of all the bills, car payments, insurance dates.” He also added of his wife, “When she expressed her need for help, it was nothing specific and when we had this discussion she did not give me any specific examples. And even if she did, I leave at 5 a.m. and I’m not usually back ’til 7:30 p.m.”

He said, “I get home and shower, eat and put laundry into the machine, unpack my work gear, I play/read/clean up our kids, and I’m in bed by 8:30 p.m. I don’t know physically how to find more time to contribute on weekdays.”

Many commenters on the social media thread had questions for the husband — with one asking if he left items around the house and expected his wife to clean up after him as well as after the kids. 

Man using a power saw
The husband has taken extra work, averaging 50-60 hours a week. Getty Images

Another person wrote that the wife “lost any support I would have given her as soon as she said he gets to go to work and ‘have fun all day’ with his mates.”

A different commenter said, “I am guessing she is maybe lonely during the week and in need of other grown-ups to talk to.”

Overall, most commenters on the thread felt he was not in the wrong for how he’s handling things, given the demands of his line of work. One person who is the main financial provider in the home wrote, “This [debate over household chores] was actually a reason I ended up divorced.”

The Associated Press noted a few years ago in relation to a new report, “Experts say one reason women report doing more house and child care work is not only because they actually do more — which is often true — but also because men are not always aware of all the work involved. That includes planning family activities and organizing appointments and even things like providing children with emotional support.” 

Gallup also reported in 2020 that “although women comprise nearly half of the U.S. workforce, they still fulfill a larger share of household responsibilities.”

The organization added, “Married or partnered heterosexual couples in the U.S. continue to divide household chores along largely traditional lines, with the woman in the relationship shouldering primary responsibility for doing the laundry (58%), cleaning the house (51%) and preparing meals (51%). At the same time, men continue to take the lead in keeping the car in good condition (69%) and doing yardwork (59%).

“In addition to laundry, cleaning and cooking, women are the primary decision-makers when it comes to home decor in 62% of households. Although there is more equity in some of the other tasks, women are also much more likely than their husbands to care for children on a daily basis, shop for groceries and wash dishes.”

However, as Rebecca Brown Wright, a blogger and mother of three based in Utah, wrote recently, “Housekeeping is an adult responsibility. It is NOT synonymous with motherhood.”