The unfortunate union of ghosting and gaslighting has emerged as the latest disturbing dating trend: “Ghostlighting.”
The dreaded combo of manipulation and a disappearing act is a one-two punch for singles in the market for love.
“Gaslighting is suggesting that someone’s feeling or understanding is the problem. Ghosting is when communication abruptly ends,” dating coach Cher Gopman, also known as the NYC Wingwoman, told The Post.
“The two often go hand in hand, as ghostlighting often makes the victim of this feel it was their fault.”
Ghostlighting is not to be confused with “getting zombied,” which is “like ghosting” — but the match circles back for another taste after a few months.
In colder months, that shady practice is also known as “winter coating,” as in when a former flame returns just in time for cuffing season — only to shed you like a bad habit once spring hits.
Those dating trends, however, bare a major difference from the new, more dreaded ghostlighter — and it’s all about manipulation tactics, experts told The Post.
People unlucky enough to snag a “ghostlighter” often experience what they believe to be a “great relationship,” Gopman explained, but it quickly deteriorates.
They begin to love bomb — emotional manipulation defined by excessive affection or gift-giving — followed by ghosting and reappearing “as if nothing happened.”
The “ghostlighter” won’t take responsibility for initially ghosting, which ultimately can leave people feeling anxious, depressed and insecure — and they might even develop trust issues or self-doubt.
“This makes the recipient feel inadequate, ‘less than,’ or not enough,” Gopman said, adding that after being “ghostlit,” the person on the receiving end “is left questioning everything they did.”
Worst case scenario, it could impact that person’s future relationships, stirring up fear of being “ghostlit” once again and, in turn, becoming emotionally guarded.
“People who ghostlight lack emotional intelligence, especially empathy,” New Jersey-based dating expert Rachel DeAlto told The Post. “They are more concerned with preserving their emotional energy than being responsible for any angst they caused.”
While ghostlighters are likely conflict-adverse and will not want to address their behavior, sociologist and intimacy coach Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus encourages open communication with the alleged ghostlighter.
“Labeling someone’s behavior as ‘ghosting’ might make them feel defensive, but I think if you liked the person and it felt like they ghosted you and then resurfaced, it’s OK to just ask, ‘Hey, what happened? I was enjoying our interactions and you disappeared for a while,’ ” she told The Post.
“This might get a more honest response to what you actually want to know.”
Ghostlighting is merely the latest dating trend to hit the market, as singletons devise more and more ways to fumble potential love interests.
“Fizzling,” which emerged earlier this year, is the crueler cousin of the age-old ghosting that allows the flame to slowly, well, fizzle, rather than simply cut off contact cold turkey.