Look, we have to be honest: We don’t have a lot to offer on this topic.
If you’re coming to the Madman for fantasy advice about drafting kickers, it is sort of like asking an accountant if you should spend two $5 dollar bills or five $2 dollar bills for a $10 purchase: Yeah, we have a little knowledge about the subject matter, but the question itself is meaningless.
Here’s our advice: Don’t draft them. What we mean is, don’t join a league that has kickers on rosters. Or if you already have joined, waste no time with research or who or when to draft. And when it comes time to draft, don’t sweat whether you got the pick right or now, because chances are remote you end the season with the same kicker you started with.
Now, to be fair, we must acknowledge that the Ravens’ Justin Tucker is a different kind of kicker. What kind of kicker is he? Well, he is one that always stays in the top 10, and often in the top five. You know what that is worth?
It is worth trading up from late in the last round to early in the last round to get him. What? Your league doesn’t do that kind of thing? How would a deal like that even work?
All legitimate questions without solid answers, because there is so little difference in kickers, and because there is ample variance in year-to-year production so that none are really reliable.
Oh, right, right, right. Tucker is incredibly reliable, you’re right. And we’ll ask again: What are we willing to give up for those guaranteed extra 3-4 points across an entire season? Nothing. Pretty much nothing. When he gets picked, we groan. That is what he is worth: a groan.
But if you’re trapped in a poorly commished league, stubbornly devoted to an outdated roster format, or you’re reading this in 2005, here are some bare-bones criteria of how to rank kickers for your draft:
- Justin Tucker. And then in no particular order:
- Offenses that are likely to struggle in the red zone (already, you’re dealing with wild variance, but figure Raiders, Falcons, Patriots, Panthers kickers).
- Teams that score a lot (Chiefs, Bills, Eagles, Bengals).
- Kickers with strong legs (Jets, Giants, Falcons, Jaguars, Commanders).
- Anyone named “Anderson” (because we still remember Morton and Gary).
- Does Adam Vinatieri still kick? Do you get extra fantasy points for game-winners? No? On both? Then never mind.
- Kickers with Taylor Swift concert tickets (Wait, what?!).
Hop out of the pool, unpack your vacation suitcase, boot up your laptop and get ready, because fantasy football season is back.
The Fantasy Madman has returned with the latest iteration of his DVQ.
The Draft Value Quotient is a player rating system that assigns one universal number for every player. This value projects the point in the draft at which a player’s projected production will match the estimated draft pick value.
Since there is a wider separation among production at the top, so too is there a wider gap between DVQ values at the top of the rankings.
The player projections takes into account playing time, expected use/touches, coaching tendencies, part performance and injury history. The DVQ measures these projections against a player’s schedule and factors in positional depth and value above replacement.
These ratings are updated regularly.
- Kickers who, after kicking a game-winning field goal in high school, had their postgame meal paid for at the local Denny’s by backers of the school.
- Kickers whose favorite “Impractical Joker” is Murray.
- Anyone with who only has a mild case of plantar fasciitis.
Here’s the kicker: None of this really matters. The chances of any of this helping you is only decimal points better than the chances of it hurting you.
Holy cow! We just got Taylor Swift tickets! This is the best thing that has happened to us since Murray bought us Denny’s after we kicked the winning field goal in high school.
Oh no, we might not be able to go to the concert — this case of plantar fasciitis is getting serious.