Catching other people’s kids behaving badly can place parents in a sticky situation.

Especially if that child is behaving badly towards your child, in which case how should you react? What do you do to protect your own child without overstepping any parenting boundaries? 

It’s a difficult dilemma that I’m very sure most parents, caregivers, or even non-parents have all found themselves in at least once. Whether it be in the playground, at a birthday party, a play date, or simply your child’s recollection of something that happened at school.

Unfortunately, according to parenting expert and author Dr. Justin Coulson, there aren’t any hard and fast rules. However, a few basic principles do apply, including the following:

No matter how big a bully or brat your child might be, how would you feel if a stranger (or even a friend) were to hit or frighten your child? In most cases, most parents would be upset by such action.

Not all parents respond warmly to another adult disciplining their child. However, unless a parent appears overly aggressive, the best thing to do is to go to the parent of a child who is behaving antisocially and politely to let them know what is going on. You might say something like:

“I’m sorry to bother you. It seems that your child is a little upset. He/she has been hurting some of the kids in the playground. I thought I should just come over and let you know.”

If the person in the scenario above had sought out the child’s father rather than taking things into his own hands, my bet is that the father would have responded more calmly, and certainly wouldn’t have huffed and puffed while he tried to work out who had scared his child.

If you feel that you are the one who needs to deal with things, remember that discipline is not punishment, ‘consequences’, or anything of the sort. Rather, discipline is teaching good ways to act. If a child can be approached and spoken with kindly, and be given appropriate and gentle guidance, it is unlikely that other parents will be offended by our actions.

If a child or his/her parents are aggressive, abusive, or otherwise anti-social, sometimes it might be best to simply find another place to play or eat. While this can be inconvenient, it can also be the difference between being on edge versus having a nice time in public. Let’s face it, some people are unreasonable and there is nothing we can do about it.

Children’s author and support teacher Lauren Thompson, who recently published “There’s a Bully in My Brain,” aimed at exploring negative self-talk and declining self-esteem in Aussie children, told Kidspot:

“I try to avoid judging other people and their children, as we are all trying our best and learning along the way, and families may have different expectations in their household, meaning that everyone’s situation is unique.”

But in situations where other children’s behavior is unsafe, Lauren agrees that “it is appropriate to guide them politely and positively on what is safe behavior, to avoid any potential accidents.”

Working as a support teacher (and a mum of three herself), Lauren says she has witnessed the impact that negative self-talk from a young age has on children firsthand.

“I believe it is not only what we say to children but also the way we talk to them that’s really important for fostering happy and healthy children. We want to offer children guidance, mutual respect, and meaningful connection, and the best way to achieve that is by maintaining self-control and positive language.”

Lauren says in her experience with parents and socializing with her own three children, “instead of a ‘time out’ or a strict disciplinary approach, most parents seem to opt more for a ‘time in’ approach with their child, where they try to understand where the child’s behavior came from and how they can help regulate emotions or navigate challenges.”

This approach “is effective and beautiful to see. Focusing on the things children are doing well I have found can help boost children’s self-esteem and lead to a positive effect on their behavior.”

According to results from news.com.au’s The Great Aussie Debate, the 18-29-year-old audience was more likely to state you shouldn’t discipline other people’s children.

For the 18-29, 60-69 and 70+ age groups, the majority of people selected no, compared to the 30-59 in which the majority selected one of the “yes” options.

People between the ages of 30-49 were 43% more likely to select “yes, some kids are mega annoying.”

So, clearly, we’ve still got a long way to come when it comes to being aligned on the right approach to disciplining children.