Today I’m collecting. Like names of stars.

Jake Gyllenhaal: “Mine meaning golden hall in Swedish gets butchered in English. On TV David Letterman called me ‘Jill’ and ‘Ham’ the whole time. In Hollywood when I’m trying to get a part they mispronounce it as ‘guile’ or ‘jilted.’ No great way to start off landing a role.”

Kirsten Dunst: “In fourth grade in Jersey’s Point Pleasant I’d cry when bullies shouted ‘dunce’ at me. My mother explained Dunce meant ‘fog’ in German so in school I then explained what my last name meant. Kids next shouted ‘Foggy Dunce.’ Made it a hundred times worse.”

Liev Schreiber: “It’s pronounced Lee-ev. A common Russian first name meaning ‘Born in Russia,’ although I was actually named by my mother after Leo Tolstoy.”

Salman Rushdie: “My first name’s actually Ahmed. My father’s name’s also Ahmed and in Muslim culture no one’s called ‘Junior’ so I took my middle name Salman which means ‘peaceful.’ ”

Famke Janssen’s first name means ‘girl’ in Frisian, “the language of the Netherlands, where I’m from.”

Keanu Reeves: “Keanu stands for ‘cool breeze over the mountains’ in Hawaiian. I’m half Hawaiian.”

Now, to important things. New movie. “Bugonia.” Emma Stone produced it, stars in it. In it Jesse Plemons kidnaps her because he thinks she’s an alien. He also thinks that’s hilarious.

Emma: “It’s a terrifically funny or hilariously horrific film about our gloom and doom times. A sort of insanity in the midst of a small environment. We’re in a basement and it’s people having perspectives that may be incorrect or twisted. To do this I even shaved my head.”

And without this great cinematic artistry our country doesn’t have enough problems? In theaters Oct. 31.

Wait. One more. Andie MacDowell’s daughter Margaret Qualley stars in “Honey Don’t!,” a hard-boiled detective seduction murder mystery. Honey, a detective, is a lesbian. Director’s a Coen brother. It’s streamed out of theaters and online now.

One more. Heist thriller “Eenie Meanie.” Andy Garcia: “My character operates on both sides of the law. Car chases are important but it’s how relationships resonate. There’s an exuberance about going to work when the creative process is always bubbling.” I mean OK? The thing’s on Hulu.

Just one more. “The Pickup.” On Amazon Prime. Eddie Murphy and Pete Davidson steal $60 mil from a casino. Eddie: “I’m improvising a lot.” Pete: “I play a special kind of idiot. Eddie’s character doesn’t like me much. They don’t make movies like this anymore.” Yeah. Right. 

So this financier caught his secretary and his accountant locked into a frisky position in one of the storerooms during a coffee break. Growled the boss, “What’s the meaning of this?” “Well,” the girl explained, “Neither of us likes coffee.”

Only in New York, kids, only in New York.