Ellen DeGeneres sheds light on the emotional toll her that being “kicked out of show business” took on her in Ellen DeGeneres: For Your Approval.

The former Ellen DeGeneres Show host — who was hit with toxic workplace allegations in 2020 and whose talk show ultimately ended in 2022 — joked that “you can’t be mean and be in show business,” and eventually disclosed that she “was in therapy for a while trying to deal with all the hatred that was coming at [her],” per Deadline.

“It was not a common situation for a therapist to deal with,” she shared. “At one point, my therapist said, ‘Ellen, where do you get this idea that everyone hates you?’ And I said, ‘Well, New York Times, The Washington Post, Entertainment Weekly, Us Weekly, I think Elmo may have said something recently on an episode of Sesame Street.”

She explained that her therapist had told her to “avoid looking at the news” and “just avoid media.”

“I said, ‘I am. I’m not looking at anything,’” DeGeneres recalled. “But I would always know when something was going on because I’d start getting texts from friends saying thinking of you or sending love.”

As teased in the trailer for her recent special, which DeGeneres claimed is “the last time you’re going to see [her],” she reflected on being “the comedian who got a talk show and ended the show every day by saying ‘Be kind to one another.'”

“Had I ended the show by saying ‘Go fuck yourselves,’ people would have been pleasantly surprised to learn that I’m kind,” she quipped.

DeGeneres’ special, which marks her second on Netflix following Ellen DeGeneres: Relatable in 2018, was first announced in May. DeGeneres had also addressed the “devastating” loss of The Ellen DeGeneres Show during her Ellen’s Last Stand… Up Tour, saying at the time that she “just hated the way the show ended.”

“I love that show so much and I just hated that the last time people would see me is that way,” she said.

Ellen DeGeneres: For Your Approval is streaming on Netflix.