DEAR ABBY: I became ill a few months ago and spent 10 days in the hospital before moving to a rehab center to recover. My husband worked at the facility where I became a patient. Two weeks into my rehab, he announced that when I went home, he would not be there, and that he was filing for divorce. He refused to give me a solid reason why. Our 30-plus-year marriage has had difficult times. Each time we went for counseling, he was uncooperative, going so far as lying.
I learned he had been having an affair (his third) with a woman who would visit the facility to see family. He has now moved in with her, and the divorce process continues. I am in my 70s and always tried to be the wife he wanted. I am broken and cannot seem to move on. He was the love of my life, and I am crushed by the way he did this. I still cannot get him to admit he’s having an affair. I often wonder if he lies to her the way he lied to me. In the past he lusted after women. I believe he has taken his emotional problems with him in this new relationship. How can I let go and move on? — STUNNED IN SOUTH DAKOTA
DEAR STUNNED: If you are truly wondering whether your almost-ex-husband is lying to the woman he is now living with, you can make book on it. Liars lie because it is convenient. He will probably eventually cheat on her as he did with you. Like it or not, life has offered you the opportunity to move forward. PLEASE take advantage of it and talk with your attorney about what your rights are as a wife of more than 30 years in South Dakota.
DEAR ABBY: I’m the mother of two teenage sons. My younger son “Richie,” is 17 and a great kid. He has a 3.8 grade-point average in high school, studies hard and is never out “roaming.” He has scholarships waiting for the taking. When I come home late at night, he’s already asleep.
What bothers me is that I know nothing about his life. Richie mentioned that he’s going to his junior prom, and I have no idea who the girl is he is taking. I don’t know his friends, although I do know many of the moms of the friends he’s acquainted with. As a single parent, I work several jobs. I’m exhausted and basically have no life. I don’t want my son to feel I would judge him if he gave me more information about what he does with the little free time he has, but I feel left out.
I remember when I was 17 and didn’t want my parents to know my business, so I’m reluctant to ask him a bunch of questions. I have never searched his room because I respect his privacy. I always promised my kids that they would have their privacy and freedom as long as their grades were great, and they have given me no reason to question their lifestyles. What should I do? — LEFT-OUT MOM
DEAR MOM: You and your son are living on different schedules. From what you have written, I don’t have the impression that he is being secretive. Find a time when you are both awake and start having some short conversations with him, so it won’t seem like he is being grilled. Because of your work schedule, you have become like ships passing in the night, but there is still time to change course.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.