DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for two years. We rushed into marriage, unfortunately, before getting to know each other very well. Whenever we have a disagreement, he gives me the silent treatment for days. Sometimes, it lasts weeks.
He won’t eat anything I cook or help around the house. If I’m in one room, he will lock himself up in another one. He sleeps on the couch or on a pull-out mattress. Eventually, he will end it by returning to our bed and trying to initiate intimacy. I usually accept, but the issue never gets resolved or discussed — we just carry on. When I’ve tried discussing the issues, he says, “Don’t start!”
I’m fed up with his childish behavior. We have a 7-month-old baby and children from my previous marriage, so it has become increasingly difficult for me to leave him. He’s not the type to go to therapy. He will admit we have communication issues, but that’s the extent of it. I’ve reached the point that I no longer care about our marriage, and if I had the means, I’d happily leave. Please help. — SILENT TREATMENT IN THE NORTHEAST
DEAR SILENT TREATMENT: Because your husband doesn’t want to go to therapy does not mean you shouldn’t. When you tell him that you plan to schedule some session, expect him to find a dozen reasons why you “don’t need it” or to go into another silent phase. Therapy for you would be illuminating and could help you decide how much longer you want to tolerate an increasingly intolerable living situation.
DEAR ABBY: We recently attended the wedding of a close family member on my husband’s side. All went seemingly well until the next day when I was sharing snapshots of the beautiful day with my stepdaughter.
I promptly received what I’ll call a form letter via text from her, saying: “Hi! As the holidays approach, we’re sending this message to our close family members. With flu season coming up and a rise in COVID cases, we’re asking everyone to not kiss the baby. This is also a reminder not to take or post photos of the baby. We take lots of beautiful photos of her and if you’d like some, we are happy to send them to you. Our goal is to minimize her media presence until she’s old enough to consent to how her pictures are used.”
When I spoke to other family members, I realized none of them had received this message. I’m hurt. I spent what I thought was a beautiful day at a family function, taking snapshots of the event and of our grandchild. Now here’s a text telling me not to take pics of her. I don’t know how to handle this. — JOY DESTROYED IN THE WEST
DEAR JOY DESTROYED: You are the only person who received that message because you are the only person who was taking photos. Parents are entitled to decide whether they want pictures of their children posted on social media. You should always ask whether it’s OK to post pictures of an event or a child before doing so. Now you know how your stepdaughter feels about it, so “handle this” by apologizing for any mistake you might have made.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.