


This one’s got a happy ending.
Mathematicians in the United Kingdom have gone to great effort to complete a fool-proof formula for male orgasm — something that’s never been achieved.
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The racy research — analyzing both psychological and biological aspects of the act — was recently completed at England’s University of Sus…sex.
“Drawing on established data, as well as our own previously published work on modeling biological phenomena such as epidemiology and immunity, we have developed the first successful mathematical model of sexual performance, said study co-author Dr. Konstantin Blyuss.
The research was reportedly inspired by the utilization of math to analyze performance in sports. Decades worth of data on psychological and physiological arousal were analyzed.
In previous studies on the subject — which were used in the current analysis — consenting participants performed sexual acts in a special type of MRI scanner which observed changes in neural patterns.
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“In the past, researchers have tried to write a model to describe the physiological path to climax, but without success,” Blyuss said. Our results cover the physiological and psychological aspects required to reach climax. They reinforce, and mathematically prove, existing studies into the psychology of sex.”
Researchers made two equations: one covering the mental and another covering the physical elements of intimacy.
“Our findings shed light on a socially taboo subject, which we believe could have useful applications for the clinical treatment of sexual dysfunction, as well as for providing the general public with a tested formula for improving their sex life,” said co-author Dr. Yuliya Kyrychko.
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“A key finding is that too much psychological arousal early in the process can inhibit the chance of reaching climax,” Blyuss said.
“Simply put, our findings can be summarized as ‘don’t overthink it.'”
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A study of the female orgasm is next on the drawing board — it just might take a while longer to find the sweet spot.
“With what we have learned from this study, we intend to mathematically model the female sexual response, which is … more complex than the male response,” Kyrychko said.