Too much of a good thing can be bad — and being responsible is no exception.
Over-responsible people are often “please-pleasers” who neglect their own needs and feelings to prioritize others, psychologist Dr. Lalitaa Suglani explained in a recent Instagram post.
“They often do good things for the wrong reasons because they don’t know of another way of cope,” she wrote.
Tell-tale signs of over-responsibility are guilt when saying no or being yourself, struggling to ask or receive help, fear of “outshining others,” extreme independence and inability to trust that others will take on responsibility so you take it on.
Additionally, the “Therapised” podcast host said over-responsible people often play therapist for their loved ones but resent when people “feel entitled” to their kindness.
They also often de-prioritize their own emotions or needs and take on others’ feelings.
In an attempt to break the habit, Suglani encourages people who may be over-responsible to set boundaries for themselves.
“Boundaries are where we begin and another person ends,” she wrote. “Boundaries are about YOU and your needs.”
She also reminded her 132,000 followers that they “can’t change other people.”
“You get to decide what you’re willing to put up with,” she continued.
“Don’t stress over someone’s negative response, we do not have control over how they react and we are not going to be liked by everyone.”
According to the Harvard Business Review, visualizing what falls on your plate and what you could unload to others using a pie chart can help.
“Start by grabbing a piece of paper and listing everyone involved in this particular situation,” writer and executive coach Dina Denham Smith explained.
“Now, draw a circle on your paper and allocate responsibility for the situation to each person or group on your list.”
The remaining percentage is a true approximation of your responsibility.
“Over-responsibility can be a hard habit to break,” Smith wrote. “Helping others makes us feel good: We feel competent, reduce our stress, and avoid conflict.”
But the seemingly harmless habit is reinforced by others who are subsequently taught to expect your help, and Smith urged readers to not wait to self-correct the behavior until “you feel burned out and resentful.”
“Rightsizing your responsibility is not about shirking what is yours to own but finding a more appropriate balance,” she said. “By taking 100% of your responsibility, but not more, you will avoid unnecessary stress and empower and help others grow.”